Kissing

There is an infinite variety of kisses that lovers can exchange, from playful or tender lip kissing to deeply arousing open-mouth kissing with tongue play. Kissing someone you are mad about is one of life's great pleasures - or should be. Surprisingly large numbers of people have no idea how to kiss, and a poor kisser can be a terrible disappointment, just as someone who is a skilled practitioner of the art of kissing can have you tearing off your clothes.

The lovers' kiss or French kiss, involving the whole mouth and tongue, is said to have its origins the way mothers used to feed their babies in prehistoric cultures. This practice can be observed in peasant communities in some parts of Europe even today. The mother chews the food for her baby before transferring it directly from mouth to mouth She pushes her tongue, and the food, inside the infant's mouth, and it reacts with searching movements of its tongue inside her mouth. Considerations of hygiene and today's associations of mouth-to-mouth contact with sexual arousal make this type of feeding unacceptable in our society, but the action lives on in adult erotic behavior.

A deep kiss is very often the first mutual acknowledgement that sexual attraction exists between a couple, and it is the first element of sexuality to disappear from a relationship that is on the wane. According to Relate (the British Marriage Guidance Bureau), couples whose marriages are in trouble are more likely to have intercourse than to kiss. That mouth and tongue contact retains a special intimacy while intercourse can seem businesslike and remote is also illustrated by the fact that prostitutes never kiss their clients.

The first thing to do when kissing a new lover is to find out with your lips and tongue where his or her teeth are, so you can avoid banging into them with your own teeth. Clashing teeth is as impersonal as clashing spectacle frames. The next thing to remember is that kissing should be wildly exciting: don't get stuck in a rut endlessly repeating the same movement, or your partner will lose concentration and grow bored. Vary the pace, and vary the initiative, sometimes taking it, sometimes being receptive to your partner.

Here are a few tips for more enjoyable kissing:

* If your new partner does not smoke and you do, now would be a very good time to give up the habit. Non-smokers do not like the taste or smell of tobacco.

* Until you have got to know someone well and they have assured you they don't mind it, don't eat strong tasting food, such as garlic or curry, unless your lover is eating it too.

* Oral hygiene is important. Make sure your mouth looks and tastes good. Get your dentist to de-scale your teeth regularly and eat a healthy diet so that your breath is fresh.

* Don't kiss or have oral sex if you have a mouth or throat infection. Kissing can transfer an estimated 250 different bacteria and viruses carried in saliva, though as yet there is no evidence to suggest that AIDS can be caught in this way.

* Being kissed passionately by a man with a stubble chin is not anywhere near as erotic as being kissed passionately by a man who has recently shaved.

* If you have a beard, consider the fact that it makes a barrier between your skin and your lover's. There is no doubt that more erotic contact is possible between a clean-shaven man and his partner.

* Women who wear make-up should be prepared to have it licked off or, at the very least, smudged. Consider how you feel about this before applying your make-up, but whatever you do, don't let yourself be inhibited by a perfectly painted face. Many men would prefer to kiss a face bare of make-up anyway.

* To maximize sensation when kissing, make full use of all the muscles in your mouth and tongue. it is much better kissing someone whose mouth responds to yours and who knows how to use pressure, than someone whose mouth is flabby and slack.

* Remember that nothing, but nothing, is worse than a slobbery kiss.

BIRTH CONTROL

Thinking about birth control is part of thinking about having intercourse. Some people choose to engage only in sexual behaviors other than intercourse -- some because they prefer other forms of intimacy; some because they're not ready for intercourse; and some because they don't want to risk pregnancy.

Choosing a method of birth control isn't always easy. In addition to thinking about the effectiveness, benefits, and possible side-effects of the methods you're considering, you need to think about what you feel comfortable using. It's important to ask yourself what methods realistically fit with your personality and lifestyle.

Talking about birth control with a partner can be hard. It may help to try to sort out your own feelings before you bring up the subject with your partner. Try to find a time and a way to talk about it that feels comfortable to you.

What Do Effectiveness Rates Mean?

A range of effectiveness is listed for each method of birth control in this handout. The lower rating listed is the "typical effectiveness," which takes into account incorrect or inconsistent use. The higher number is the "theoretical effectiveness" rate, which describes the method's effectiveness when used correctly every time a couple has intercourse. Effectiveness statistics are difficult to evaluate because they vary widely depending on the design of the research study. The method with the highest effectiveness rating may or may not be the "best" method for you. The best method is the one which you are informed about, comfortable with, and will use consistently.

Birth Control and Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)

You may be primarily concerned with preventing pregnancy when you choose a method of birth control, but if you or your partner has ever had sexual contact with anyone else, you may be at risk for contracting an STD. Using condoms and spermicide provides the greatest protection against STDs. Other methods of birth control (noted in this handout) may also provide some protection. Many women and men use condoms and spermicide along with other methods of birth control to protect themselves and their partners from STDs.

What If Your Method Fails?

Correct and consistent use of your birth control method makes it less likely to fail; however, no method is perfect. If your method fails, or you have unprotected intercourse, the risk of pregnancy may be reduced by immediately inserting two applications of spermicide into the vagina. Also, call the Gynecology Clinic or Dial-A-Nurse about the availability of the morning-after pill.

METHOD Birth Control Pill EFFECTIVENESS 97-99.9% HOW TO OBTAIN Requires recent gynecological exam and attendance at Birth Control Education Class. Call Gynecology for appointment and class schedule. STD PROTECTION No OTHER CONSIDERATIONS Provides continuous protection. Must be taken at the same time every day. Regulates menstrual cycle, decreases cramps and flow. May cause breakthrough bleeding, breast tenderness, nausea, weight gain/loss during the first few months. Some women are not good candidates because of medical history.

METHOD Norplant (Hormonal Implants) EFFECTIVENESS 99.9% HOW TO OBTAIN Not available at McKinley -- call Gynecology for information. Newly available in 1991. Initial cost $400-$600. STD PROTECTION No OTHER CONSIDERATIONS Requires minor outpatient surgical procedure for insertion and removal. Provides continuous protection for five years (may be removed sooner, if desired). May cause weight gain. Frequently causes irregular bleeding during the first year of use.

METHOD Depo-Provera (DMPA (Hormonal Injections EFFECTIVENESS 99.9% HOW TO OBTAIN Not available at McKinley, call Gynecology for information. Approved for contraception use in 1992. Cost is $25 - $45 per injection. STD PROTECTION No OTHER CONSIDERATIONS A shot every 12 weeks provides continuous protection. Does not contain estrogen. May cause irregular bleeding and spotting, heavier or lighter periods. May cause breast tenderness, nausea, during first few months. May cause weight gain.

METHOD IUD (Intrauterine Device) EFFECTIVENESS 97-99.2% HOW TO OBTAIN Requires 2 appointments for gynecological exam and insertion. STD PROTECTION No OTHER CONSIDERATIONS Provides continuous protection. May cause heavier menstrual bleeding and more severe cramps. Some women are not suitable candidates.

METHOD Diaphragm & Cervical Cap EFFECTIVENESS 82-94% HOW TO OBTAIN Requires recent gynecological exam and may require multiple appointments for fitting STD PROTECTION Some OTHER CONSIDERATIONS Most effective if inserted before any genital contact. Does not affect menstrual cycle. Some women cannot be fitted. Minimal side effects. Some consider it messy or difficult to use.

METHOD Condom EFFECTIVENESS 88-98% HOW TO OBTAIN Can be obtained at Health Resource Centers (locations on back of handout) and at drug stores STD PROTECTION Yes, most effective OTHER CONSIDERATIONS Most effective if put on before any genital contact. Recommended to be used with additional spermicide. May reduce sensation.

METHOD Spermicides (Jelly, foam, cream) EFFECTIVENESS 79-97%

HOW TO OBTAIN Spermicidal jelly is available at Health Resource Centers (locations on back of handout). Other spermicides can be obtained at drug stores. STD PROTECTION Some OTHER CONSIDERATIONS Most effective if inserted before any genital contact. Some consider messy to use. Recommended to be used with a condom. Provides additional lubrication. May cause irritation (switching brands may help)

METHOD Sponge EFFECTIVENESS 82-94% HOW TO OBTAIN Not available at McKinley -- can be obtained at drug stores. Cost is $1 - $2 each. STD PROTECTION Some OTHER CONSIDERATIONS Most effective if inserted before any genital contact. Effective 24 hours. Recommended to be used with a condom. Some consider it messy or difficult to use. May cause itching, irritation. May not fit all women well.

METHOD Fertility Awareness EFFECTIVENESS 80-98% HOW TO OBTAIN Individual instruction about this method is available at Planned Parenthood -- call 359-8022 to schedule an appointment. STD PROTECTION No OTHER CONSIDERATIONS Requires some instruction, high motivation, and diligent record-keeping of fertility indicators. Increases awareness of changes in menstrual cycle. Requires use of back-up method or abstinence from intercourse during fertile part of cycle. Can be an all natural method. Stress, illness, or vaginal infection can affect fertility indicators

A NOTE ABOUT WITHDRAWAL, RHYTHM, AND DOUCHING Withdrawal is a method couples sometimes use. It can fail due to the presence of sperm in pre-ejaculatory fluid, or the couple misjudging when the man should withdraw. This method requires a high level of trust and cooperation, and couples may find it unsatisfying to use. Withdrawing before ejaculation is better than using no method at all. Couples who use the rhythm ("safe time") method abstain from intercourse (or use another form of birth control) during the fertile time in the woman's menstrual cycle. This method can fail because it is possible for a woman to ovulate at any time during her cycle, including while she is menstruating. The Fertility Awareness Method (described briefly in this handout) combines charting of a woman's menstrual cycle with other fertility indicators to provide more complete information about when ovulation occurs.

Douching after intercourse is not an effective form of birth control, because some sperm may reach a woman's uterus almost immediately after ejaculation. In addition, douching may push sperm toward the uterus and increase the likelihood of pregnancy.

Reference: Hatcher, et. al. (1990). Contraceptive Technology, 1990-1992, 15th Revised Edition, New York: Irvington Publishers, Inc.

Copyrighted by the University of Illinois Board of Trustees, 1994

THE DIAPHRAGM

What Is a Diaphragm? -------------------- The diaphragm is a soft, thin rubber cup that is placed in the vagina before intercourse. It is a "barrier" method of contraception, and one of its advantages is minimal side effects. The diaphragm covers the cervix and prevents sperm from entering the uterus. When properly used with spermicidal jelly or cream each time you have intercourse, the diaphragm can be 97% effective. Since women differ in the size and shape of the vagina, diaphragms are made in several sizes and types. The correct size and type can only be determined by a doctor or nurse during a pelvic exam.

When Do I Insert the Diaphragm? ------------------------------ The diaphragm must be inserted before intercourse. If intercourse does not occur within 2 hours, a second application of the spermicide is necessary. The diaphragm should not be removed to do this. Insert the additional jelly or cream with an applicator. An application of spermicide is required each time you have intercourse. Be careful not to dislodge the diaphragm with the applicator. You need:

Diaphragm -- available by prescription at McKinley Health Center pharmacy; comes in its own plastic case.

Spermicidal Jelly or Cream -- available by prescription at McKinley pharmacy; available from both Health Resource Centers; available at other pharmacies for purchase over-the-counter.

Plastic Applicator -- for inserting additional spermicide. Available at McKinley and generally comes inside the spermicide package.

How Do I Insert It? ------------------- Wash your hands before handling the diaphragm. Before insertion, put about 1 tablespoon of spermicidal jelly or cream into the dome of the diaphragm and spread some around the rim. If desired, apply a small amount to the outside of the diaphragm to aid insertion. The diaphragm may be inserted while you are standing, squatting or reclining. (It can also be inserted by your partner.)

First, using the thumb and first 2 fingers, press the rim together so that the diaphragm folds in the middle. With the other hand, spread the vaginal lips. Now, insert the diaphragm into the vaginal canal and gently push the diaphragm along the vaginal floor as far as it will go, to make sure it passes the cervix. The diaphragm will open up once inside; now, tuck the front rim up behind your pubic bone. Check to make sure the cervix is covered! Run your finger over the surface of the diaphragm -- you should feel the cervix behind the diaphragm. If the diaphragm is uncomfortable, remove it and reinsert. Be sure and check the cervix again.

When and How Do I Remove It? ---------------------------- The diaphragm must be left in place 6 - 8 hours after intercourse. To remove the diaphragm, hook your finger under the front rim and gently pull down and out. If you have difficulty with removal, bear down, while squatting, and pull on the diaphragm.

Care of Your Diaphragm: ------------------------ After removing the diaphragm, wash it with a mild soap and water. Rinse it with clean water. Dry carefully. Do not use perfumed soaps containing cold cream or detergents to wash the diaphragm. The elements in these soaps may have a harmful effect on the latex rubber diaphragm.

Dust the diaphragm lightly with cornstarch and replace it in the container. Do not allow the diaphragm to air dry. Do not use any type of body powder, baby powder, flour or face powder, as they may contain elements that could affect the latex rubber diaphragm. Do not use cold cream, Vaseline or other oily substances as a diaphragm lubricant, as these may also be harmful to the diaphragm.

Additional Information: -----------------------

1. If you gain or lose 10 lbs. or more, or become pregnant, the diaphragm should be refitted.

2. If you think you may have sex, you can insert your diaphragm before you go out. Be sure you insert additional jelly with the applicator before intercourse (if more than 2 hours).

3. In the past, women were counseled to only use certain positions during intercourse. There is no evidence to support this. There should be no fear of dislodging the diaphragm if it is fitted and inserted correctly.

THE PILL

Over 10 million women in the United States currently use an oral contraceptive, the pill, to prevent pregnancy. There are a number of different brands available, manufactured by several different companies.

The questions and answers outlined below provide important information to assist you in using the pill in the safest, most effective manner. Be sure to read these directions before you start taking your pills, and any time you are not sure what to do. Please address any questions you have to your medical provider.

How does the pill work? ----------------------- * It prevents ovulation * It alters the cervical mucus, making it less penetrable to sperm It alters the endometrial lining, inhibiting implantation of a fertilized egg, if ovulation has occurred.

How effective is the pill? -------------------------- The pill is 99% effective when taken correctly. If you stop taking the pill, you may become pregnant very soon. Many pregnancies occur when women stop taking their pills and have intercourse without using another method of contraception.

Who should or should not take the pill? --------------------------------------- Each person is evaluated on an individual basis. Determining factors include: past medical history, family history, and findings of a physical exam.

What are the benefits? ----------------------- * decreases blood loss and incidence of iron-deficiency anemia * decreases severity of menstrual cramps * regulates menstrual periods * decreases risk of fibrocystic breasts and ovarian cysts * often improves acne

What are the risks? ------------------- The risks of using the pill are low compared to the risks of pregnancy and childbirth. Nearly all risks are associated with the cardiovascular system. Smoking significantly increases these risks. If you experience any of the following symptoms, you should seek medical care right away and tell the physician you are on the pill:

A - Abdominal pain (severe) C - Chest pain, shortness of breath, coughing up blood H - Headache (severe), numbness or weakness in arms and legs E - Eye problems (vision loss, blurring, or flashing lights) S - Severe leg pain in calf or thigh

What about cancer and the pill? -------------------------------- Since 1960, when birth control pills first became available, important information about pills and cancer has been learned: pills reduce the risk for ovarian cancer; pills reduce the risk for endometrial cancer; most studies suggest that pills neither reduce nor increase risk for breast cancer.

Further research is needed, as there may be a small number of women who are at increased risk for breast cancer. Women are recommended to do breast self-examination every month, and report any changes or problems to their health care provider.

How do I get a pill prescription? ---------------------------------- First-time pill users must attend a birth control education session at McKinley. All pill users must have a pap test done within the year by a McKinley clinician or by a health care provider or clinician. First-time pill users are dispensed three (3) pill packets. Before you finish taking the third packet, return to Pharmacy for refills. If you have any problems, call Gynecology Clinic.

How do I take the pill? ------------------------ Important facts to remember are:

1. (Before you start taking your pills), look at your pack to see if it has 21 or 28 pills. The 21-pill pack has 21 "active" pills to be taken one-a-day for 3 weeks, followed by 1 week without pills. The 28-pill pack has 21 "active" pills to be taken one-a-day for 3 weeks, followed by 1 week of "reminder" pills to be taken one-a-day for 7 days.

2. The right way to take the pill is to take one pill every day at the same time. Establish a regular routine. If you miss pills, you can get pregnant. This includes starting the pack late. The more pills you miss, the more likely you are to get pregnant. Take a pill every day, until you have completed the pill pack.

3. Some women have spotting or light bleeding, breast tenderness, and/or nausea during the first 1-3 packs of pills. If you experience any of these, do not stop taking the pill. For nausea, try taking your pill after meals. All of these symptoms will usually go away. If they don't, check with your health care provider before getting a refill from the pharmacy.

4. If you take a pill more than six hours late, it is considered a missed pill. Varying the time you take your pills may cause spotting or bleeding and increase the risk of pregnancy.

5. If you have vomiting or diarrhea, for any reason, or if you take other prescription medicines, including antibiotics, your pills may not work as well. Use a back-up method (such as condoms, foam, or sponge) if you have intercourse, and check with your health care provider. (See handout titled Oral Contraceptives and Drug Interactions).

6. Your period will probably be shorter and lighter. If you miss a period, and you've taken your pills correctly, you are probably not pregnant. Stay on schedule with your pills and get a pregnancy test to be sure.

7. At the end of your pill pack: If you are on a 21-pill pack, you should wait 7 days to start your next pack. You will probably get your period during that week. Don't wait longer than 7 days to begin your next pack. If you are on a 28-pill pack, you will start a new pack the day after you finish your current pack. Do not wait any days.

WHEN TO START THE FIRST PACK OF PILLS

You have a choice of which day to start taking your first pack of pills. Decide with your health care provider which is the best day for you. Pick a time of day which will be easy to remember.

Day 1 start: ------------ 1. Take the first "active" pill of the first pack during the first 24 hours of your menstrual period.

2. You will not need to use a back-up method of birth control, since you are starting the pill at the beginning of your period.

Sunday start: -------------- 1. Take the first "active" pill of the first pack on the Sunday after your period starts, even if you are still bleeding, If your period begins on Sunday, start the pack that same day.

2. Use another method of birth control as a back-up method if you have intercourse any time from the Sunday you start your first pack until the next Sunday (7 days). Condoms (used with foam or the sponge) are good back-up methods of birth control.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU MISS PILLS

If you miss 1 "active" pill: 1. Take it as soon as you remember. Take the next pill at your regular time. (This may mean you take 2 pills in 1 day.) 2. You do not need to use a back-up method if you have intercourse.

If you miss 2 "active" pills in a row in week 1 or week 2 of your pack: 1. Take 2 pills on the day you remember and 2 pills the next day. 2. Then take 1 pill a day until you finish the pack. Remember, bleeding may occur. 3. If you have intercourse, you must use another birth control method (such as condoms, used with foam or sponge) as a back-up for the next 7 days after you miss the pills.

If you miss 2 "active" pills in a row in week 3 of your pack: 1. If you are a Day 1 Starter -- Throw out the rest of the pill pack and start a new pack that same day. If you are a Sunday Starter -- Keep taking 1 pill every day until Sunday. On Sunday, throw out the rest of the pack and start a new pack of pills that same day. 2. You may not have your period this month, and spotting may occur. However, if you miss your period 2 months in a row, call your health care provider, because you might be pregnant. 3. If you have intercourse, you must use another birth control method (such as condoms, used with foam or sponge) as a back-up for the 7 days after you miss the pills.

If you miss 3 or more "active" pills any time during your pack: 1. If you are a Day 1 Starter -- Throw out the rest of the pill pack and start a new pack that same day. If you are a Sunday Starter -- Keep taking 1 pill every day until Sunday. On Sunday, throw out the rest of the pack and start a new pack of pills that same day. 2. You may not have your period this month, and spotting may occur. However, if you miss your period 2 months in a row, call your health care provider, because you might be pregnant. 3. If you have intercourse, you must use another birth control method (such as condoms, used with foam or sponge) as a back-up for the 7 days after you miss the pills.

If you forget any of your 7 reminder pills in week 4 of your 28-day pill pack:

1. Throw away the pills you missed. Keep taking 1 pill each day until the pack is empty. you do not need to use a back- up method if you have intercourse.

If you are still not sure what to do about the pills you have missed:

Use a back-up method any time you have intercourse. Keep taking one "active" pill each day, and contact your health care provider.

Is there anything else I need to know? ---------------------------------------- The birth control pill does not protect against sexually transmitted diseases. Condoms and spermicide do.

If you are concerned about any difference in your treatment plan and the information in this handout, you are advised to contact your health care provider.

Reference: ---------- Hatcher, R., Guest, F., Stewart, F., Stewart, G., Trussell, J., Bowen, S., & Cates, W. (1989). Contraceptive technology, 14th Revised Edition. New York: Irvington.

HOW TO USE A CONDOM

1. Put the condom on before any genital contact. If uncircumcised, pull back the foreskin.

2. Cover the head of the penis with the condom and gently press the air out of the tip. Unroll it, so that the entire erect penis is covered. A drop of lubricant may also be placed in the tip of the condom before unrolling it onto the penis.

3. If needed, you may generously apply a water-based lubricant to the outside of the condom before penetration. Do not use oil-based lubricants.

4. To prevent slippage, hold the condom at the base of the penis whenever withdrawing.

5. If ejaculation occurs, withdraw the penis before it gets soft. Hold onto the condom to prevent slippage. Throw the condom away.

HOW TO USE SPERMICIDAL JELLY

1. For vaginal intercourse: insert spermicide before any genital contact and repeat application if more than 15 minutes passes before intercourse.

Fill the applicator completely by attaching to the tube and squeezing. Insert the applicator deep into the vagina and push the plunger completely into the applicator. Use an additional application of jelly if intercourse is repeated. Do not douche for eight hours after intercourse.

2. For anal intercourse: if spermicidal lubricant is used, it should be applied to the outside of the condom prior to penetration.

Even if you use a lubricated condom, the use of additional lubrication can increase pleasurable sensations and help prevent tearing of the condom. Lubricants or spermicides containing nonoxynol-9 can provide extra protection because this chemical kills many STD (sexually transmitted disease) germs.

STDs can be passed during vaginal, oral and anal sex. If you are using a condom for oral sex, you may prefer to use a non-lubricated or flavored condom. A condom can be cut to form a latex square for use as a barrier during cunnilingus or during oral-anal contact.

If a condom breaks, immediate withdrawal is recommended. A new condom can then be used. To reduce the risk of pregnancy, a woman can immediately insert two applications of spermicide into the vagina.

THINGS TO REMEMBER

Latex condoms are recommended for best STD protection.
Proper usage can increase a condom's protection. Avoid sharp objects, fingernails, and air bubbles. Be sure there is plenty of lubrication.
Store condoms in a cool place.
Plan ahead and be prepared.
Learn the facts about how HIV and other STDs are spread.
Learn about how to talk with your partner about safer sex.
Alcohol and other drugs lower inhibitions, seriously affect judgment, and lead to unsafe sex.

Contraception

The ovulation testing pack

is a completely new method of natural family planning that allows you to enjoy making love without using any contraceptives on most days of your cycle. The pack includes a personal monitor that checks your urine samples and analyses them to indicate the days of the month on which you are likely to get pregnant. You should use contraceptives if you wish to make love on those days. The pack is 93-95 per cent reliable and very easy to use.

Natural family planning, by contrast, requires meticulous record keeping and iron self-discipline. It involves charting your temperature day by day throughout the menstrual cycle to discover the period of ovulation, during which you must abstain from sex. Any unpredictable irregularity in the cycle can carry the risk of pregnancy.

The Pill is up to 99 per cent reliable. It allows for completely spontaneous lovemaking. The freedom it gives is of enormous psychological benefit in any relationship. The Pill also regulates the menstrual cycle and reduces period pain and heavy bleeding in many women. Mild side effects occur in some women who take the Pill, but they usually disappear after a few months. They may include nausea, headaches, and depression, weight gain and some bleeding between periods. If side effects persist, the doctor or clinic will usually recommend a change of contraception. Before your doctor prescribes the Pill, he or she will ask for your medical history, including incidence of thrombosis in your family. The health risks involved in taking the Pill are slight when compared to the risks of pregnancy and childbirth.

The combined Pill contains synthetic forms of the sex hormones estrogen and progesterone, which interfere with the woman's regular 28day menstrual cycle. In a woman who is not taking the Pill, production of the sex hormones fluctuates during the cycle, and it is this fluctuation that triggers ovulation. When the Pill keeps the hormone level artificially constant, the signal to ovulate is cancelled out. The same happens during pregnancy, which is why overlapping pregnancies do not occur. Anyone who smokes heavily may be at risk of thrombosis, smokers and those who are over 35 are often advised not to take the combined Pill.

The progestogen - only Pill is not, as sometimes assumed, a low dose Pill, but one containing a single hormone, progestogen. It has the effect of thickening the secretions in the cervix, which makes it difficult for sperm to pass. It can be taken by breast feeding mothers, unlike the combined Pill, which suppresses lactation.

The condom is 85-98 per cent effective as a method of contraception. Condoms work by preventing the sperm from getting to its destination, and they do not interfere with the body's chemistry. The condom is also the key to safe sex as it protects against all sexually transmitted diseases. For more details about condoms and how to use them, see page 128.

Caps and diaphragms act as a contraceptive by forming a barrier across the neck of the womb (cervix), which prevents the sperm from reaching and fertilizing the egg. A good fit is crucial. You need to be examined by your doctor or family planning clinic so that the right-sized cap or diaphragm can be chosen, and you can be shown how to insert it. A cap or diaphragm should always be used with a spermicide. This combination has been found to be a 95 per cent safe contraceptive. Smear a little spermicide on to the diaphragm and around the rim, to facilitate insertion. Squeeze the diaphragm into a boat shape and insert it as you would a sanitary tampon, opening the lips of the vagina with one hand. When the rim rests behind the pubic bone at the front and the dome covers the cervix at the back, it is in place. Doctors recommend that you should not leave the diaphragm or cap in place for longer than 24 hours, but you should wait for at least six hours after intercourse before removing it. Remember that spermicide will be effective only for about three hours, so you will need to put more into the vagina if you have intercourse after the diaphragm or cap has been in place for that length of time. When you remove the diaphragm or cap, wash it carefully in warm soapy water and allow it to dry in a warm place, or pat gently with a towel.

The female condom is as effective as other barrier methods. It lines the vagina and has an inner ring that sits over the cervix and an outer ring that lies flat against the labia. The female condom is made of colorless odorless polyurethane. The woman pushes the condom up inside her vagina before intercourse, and afterwards removes it and disposes of it. Like the male condom, the female condom is not reusable. It comes ready lubricated for easy insertion and no spermicide is necessary. Female condoms are made in one size only and will fit all women. During intercourse, it is a good idea for the woman to guide the man's penis into the condom to make sure it does not enter the vagina outside the condom. As the female condom is loose fitting, it will move during sex, but you will still be protected, because the penis stays inside the condom. To remove the condom after sex, simply twist the outer ring to keep the semen inside, and pull the condom out gently.

The I U D (intra-uterine device) or coil is a small plastic and copper device that is inserted into the womb to prevent conception. Only a doctor trained in family planning can do this. The IUD comes compressed in a thin tube, which is slid through the cervical canal into the uterus and then withdrawn, leaving the IUD to spring into shape. Thin threads hang from the IUD about 3cm/ 1 inch into the vagina, and these can be felt with the fingers to make sure that the device is still in place. To remove an IUD, the doctor pulls the strings with a specially designed instrument. Depending on type, IUDs are usually replaced about every five years. The IUD is reckoned to be 96-99 per cent effective as a contraceptive, although it is not clear exactly how it works. Many women like it because it allows both partners to be spontaneous in their lovemaking. However, it does not suit everyone. Some women experience discomfort and bleeding for a few hours or days after the IUD is inserted, and one in four women have to have it removed because of acute pain and heavy bleeding. Sometimes an IUD may fall out; this is more likely to happen during a period than at any other time, and this is why it is important to check regularly that the thin strings are still inside the vagina.

Contraceptive injections may be given with a drug that contains hormones of the progestogen type. An injection is needed every 8-12 weeks and is a virtually 100 per cent reliable contraceptive. However, it often has a disruptive effect on a woman's menstrual cycle, making periods more frequent or even disappear altogether. Return of regular periods may be delayed for up to a year after the last injection.

Contraceptive implants release a hormone into the bloodstream. The implants are small, stick-like and pliable, and are inserted under the skin of the inner upper arm by your doctor or clinic in a simple, almost pain free procedure. They cannot be seen. The effects will last for up to five years, and although the implants can be removed at any time, the body will not be free of the hormone for a short time afterwards. Implants are more than 99 per cent reliable, although they may make periods less regular or disappear altogether. These side effects may settle down after several months.

Emergency contraception is also called the 'morning-after Pill'. This last-resort method can be used if intercourse has taken place without contraception or if the usual method has failed, say in the event of a burst condom. It may also be prescribed to a woman after a sexual assault. It can be given up to 72 hours after intercourse and is 96-99 per cent effective.I

The danger of AIDS, young people often had sex with a new partner without a condom, particularly if they had been drinking. It is important to remember that AIDS is much more dangerous to your health than pregnancy, and unlike pregnancy, there is no way that the disease can be terminated.

The message is clear: anyone who engages in casual sex or is having sex with a new partner should use a condom even if contraceptive protection is provided by the Pill. Women as well as men are recommended to carry condoms with them.

Clean bodies are generally more appealing than dirty ones, though the smell of a lover's sweat can have aphrodisiac qualities. Bathing is not always practicable or desirable, but you should always wash the genitals and anus before sex, to protect against infection, to increase the enjoyment of your partner and to give self confidence. Soap and water are all that is needed. Deodorants and perfumes kill the body's delightful natural scents, and they also taste unpleasant. Vaginal deodorants can be positively harmful, destroying the micro-organisms in the vagina that protect against disease. Always wash anything that is inserted in the anus, as anal sex carries the highest risk of infection.

How to use a condom

Condoms come ready-rolled and most end in a teat, which catches the semen.

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1- Expel the air from the teat at the tip of the condom by squeezing it.

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2 - Place the opening of the condom on the head of the penis.

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3 - Roll it down the shaft to fit comfortably.

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4- When fully unrolled, the condom should extend almost to the base of the penis and fit like a second skin, feeling silky and smooth.

After ejaculation, the condom should be removed carefully to prevent spillage. First, the man withdraws his penis from the woman's vagina, holding the condom securely to his penis so as not to leave it behind. Then he removes it and disposes of it. Of course, care must always be taken that any semen left on the penis does not get transferred - on the fingers, for example - to the woman's vagina.

Putting on a condom can be fun. Some women enjoy doing this for their partners. You can use your lips and tongue to help your fingers unroll the condom down the shaft of the penis - but be careful not to snag the delicate material with your nails or jewellery.

Female orgasm

Since the 1960’s, when Kinsey began to bring sex out of the closet, there has been such a great deal of open discussion centred around the female orgasm that many women feel under intense pressure to 'perform'. If you feel your partner is comparing you to previous lovers, or to an orgasmic ideal in his head, it detracts from the intimate pleasure of sex and turns it into a competition.

Many women are bothered by the idea that there may be two types of orgasm - vaginal and clitoral. They wonder whether the orgasms they are experiencing are 'the real thing'. But are there really two types of orgasm? It was Freud who first suggested that there were. He said that the orgasm experienced through clitoral stimulation was the precursor of a deeper, more satisfying orgasm experienced in the vagina during penetration by the penis. According to him, the vaginal orgasm was a 'true, mature' sexual response, while the clitoral orgasm was its immature inferior. The value judgements Freud and his followers placed on the two types of orgasm have caused a lot of unhappiness among some women who never experience orgasm during penetration. They feel that they are missing out, and are therefore inadequate: less than 'real women'.

Researchers into sexual response have been much concerned with the categorization of the female orgasm since Freud's time. Kinsey's view was that there was only one type of orgasm, that it was triggered by clitoral stimulation and involved contractions of all parts of the female body, including the vagina. He could not distinguish a second type of orgasm that centered solely on the vagina, and he utterly refuted Freud's distinction between 'mature' and 'immature' orgasms.

Subsequent clinical evidence has proved conclusively that Kinsey was right, and now sexologists are generally agreed that an orgasm is an orgasm. Researcher Helen Kaplan has come to this conclusion: 'Regardless of how friction is applied to the clitoris, i.e. by the tongue, by the woman's finger or her partner's, by a vibrator, or by coitus, female orgasm is probably always evoked by clitoral stimulation. However, it is always expressed by circurnvaginal muscle discharge.'

Although all orgasms are equal, women do report different sensations according to whether they are being penetrated or masturbated. And the surprise is that masturbatory orgasms, which are experienced by all women who can teach themselves to come through masturbation, alone or with a partner, are the more pleasurably acute. All women who orgasm in this way know the acute tension of the clitoris. The voluptuous rushing sensation that breaks into multiple contractions of the surrounding tissue. A small minority of women (around 20 per cent, according to sex researcher Shere Hite), who also orgasm with a penis inside the vagina, describe that as a quite different experience. Although Freud claimed that orgasms during intercourse were superior, the majority of women in a survey carried out by Shere Hite said they were less intense. Whereas masturbatory orgasm is experienced as a high, sweet, rippling sensation, the peak of sensitivity, orgasm with penetration is like the boom of a distant explosion, powerful, but somewhat muffled.

Orgasms triggered by the partner's fingers or tongue, and by masturbation, are probably more intense because stimulation is more localized and more sensitively guided. Masters and Johnson reported stronger contraction spasms and higher rates of heartbeat during orgasm without intercourse, and especially during masturbation, and many women confirmed that they had their best orgasms when alone. Orgasm during penetration is undoubtedly quite rare for many women because a thrusting penis can stimulate the clitoris only 'in passing', if at all, depending on the position of the couple. The orgasm experienced may be more diffuse because the penis alters the focus of attention from the clitoris to the whole of the lower part of the woman's body, and because the vagina is full ‘muffling' the sensation.

A simultaneous orgasm, when both partners come together during penetration, may feel like a surprisingly big underground explosion, but it probably offers the least in terms of sensual awareness. The reason for this is that if both parties are focused on their own experience or 'black-out' and become oblivious of each other, the sensation of the partner's orgasm is largely lost. For a woman, simultaneous orgasm is often followed by a feeling of disorientation, and a disappointment that lovemaking has come to an end.

Orgasm during intercourse is often less acute. However, many of the women who are able to experience it prefer it for emotional reasons, because it involves complete body-to-body contact, holding the partner and giving oneself to him at the same time. Feeling whole and loved and emotionally satisfied are important aspects of a good sexual relationship, but these feelings can be experienced whether orgasm takes place during intercourse or not. What is important is that women should experience regular masturbatory orgasms. Orgasm relieves tension, recharges the body and revitalizes the mind. It leaves the woman feeling sparkling and whole. When shared with a partner, it represents the peak of sexual fulfillment and can be a powerful expression of love, helping to unite the couple.

Multiple and sequential orgasms, like vaginal and clitoral orgasms, are concepts which have caused a lot of confusion and left many women worried that their sexual response might be somewhat inadequate. Because orgasms come in waves, some women are not even sure whether their orgasms are multiple or single. Multiple orgasms are those that are experienced in a chain, one directly after another; sequential orgasms are those with a gap of a few minutes between each one. It seems that true multiple orgasm is extremely rare, although many women are capable of sequential orgasm.

On the topic of multiple orgasm, Masters and Johnson wrote: "If a female who is capable of having regular orgasms is properly stimulated within a short period after her first climax, she will in most instances be capable of having a second, third, fourth, and even a fifth and sixth orgasm before she is fully satiated. As contrasted with the male's usual inability to have more than one orgasm in a short period, many females, especially when clitorally stimulated, can regularly have five or six full orgasms within a matter of minutes."

Being capable of six orgasms in a row is not the same as needing or even wanting that many. According to Shere Hite, about 90 per cent of women who orgasm feel completely satisfied with a single climax. And in many women the clitoris remains hypersensitive, and further stimulation is uncomfortable and can even prove painful.

Oral sex

Oral sex begins with the first deep kiss, and continues with kisses all over the body, concentrating finally on the genitals. On the part of the giver it requires a degree of emotional involvement, because it must be done with patience, tenderness, sensitivity and mounting but controlled excitement if it is to be really good. Lovers who give oral sex reluctantly and without generosity or enjoyment make their partners feel guilty and selfish, and too tense and worried to relax and take pleasure themselves.

From the receiver, oral sex requires trust, and the confidence that comes with being made to feel desirable. In sex, as in other areas of life, it is often more difficult to receive generosity than to give it, but the person who succumbs completely to pleasure delivers himself or herself over to the lover, and this also gives a sense of wonderment. It goes without saying that sexual hygiene is of prime importance for anyone who engages in oral sex.

Oral sex for women is called cunnilingus. For many women, cunnilingus is the most exciting of all the variations of sex, and a gentle and skilful lover should be able to make his partner come with his tongue more easily than in any other way. A strong slippery tongue can be used with precision on the clitoris without danger of causing any pain, unlike a finger.

Begin by kissing your partner's face and mouth, and then gradually work your way down her body, kissing and stroking her breasts, belly and inner thighs. Flick your tongue in light feathery kisses along the fleshy folds of the outer labia, smoothing away the pubic hair and then parting the labia gently with your fingers. Move very gradually inwards with your tongue. Vary your movements according to your partner's response. Try nuzzling, burrowing, thrusting with your tongue into her vagina, sucking, long delicate licks, short rapid flicking licks. She may not like her clitoris to be stimulated directly at first, so proceed tentatively until she is fully aroused.

Once she can trust YOU and feel confident that you like what you are doing, she will be able fully to let go in orgasm. Being 'on the spot', a man can get a special thrill from experiencing so directly the blissful effect he has on his partner, as well as from her vulnerability and trust.

Oral sex for men is called fellatio. The experience of having their penis sucked, licked and kissed is one that most men find intensely exciting. In some cases, there may be psychological barriers to overcome. Some men fear being bitten during oral sex. The woman should open her mouth as wide as possible, and close her lips, but not her teeth, over the penis. Using all the muscles in the lips and tongue will mean that the teeth should not come into contact with the penis at all.

Some women are worried that they may be choked during fellatio. The way to allay this fear is to remain in control: you are the one who should move while your partner lies still, so there is no possibility of his thrusting deep into your throat and making you gag. Some women find the idea of swallowing semen repugnant. Of course there is no need for you to do this if you do not wish to, but many women do enjoy having their partner ejaculate into their mouth.

Work your way down your partner's body, beginning with kissing his face and mouth and progressing to his genitals. Be very gentle, as they are highly sensitive to pain. There are many ways of stimulating the penis with your lips and tongue. You can lick all along the shaft with a delicate tongue, then use more pressure and press your open lips as well as your tongue against it as you rub them up and down towards the head. You can lick and kiss the frenulum - the sensitive place where the glans joins the shaft on the underside, which will be facing towards you if the man is lying on his back with an erection. You can take the head of the penis in your mouth and suck it, tickling it at the same time with your tongue, and you can move your lips as far down the shaft as is comfortable. Then move up and down, sucking and pressing with your lips and tongue.

The '69' position is so called because the figures resemble a couple giving each other oral sex. While many couples find this a good way of arousing each other, others find it difficult to concentrate on giving and receiving such intense pleasure at the same time. If you are about to come in this position, it is best to break off from pleasuring your partner to avoid inadvertently biting him or her. Use your fingers to indicate to your partner what is happening and let yourself go in orgasm.

ON FELLATIO ON CUNNILINGUS ON SEX POSITIONS

Cunnilingus - Oral sex upon a vulva

What is cunnilingus?

Cunnilingus is the fine art of making love to a vagina with your mouth and tongue. It is a delicate skill, requiring patience, practice, and dedication to get it right, but any woman you learn to do it right for will appreciate you all the more for it.

What applies to the penis applies to the vulva-- every one is different, requiring a different touch to make its owner happy. But few tools can equal the tongue for the amount of pleasure it can deliver to a happy vagina.

This article assumes that you know what a vulva looks like and can identify with some precision the mons veneris, labia majora, clitoral hood, clitoris, labia minora, urethra, vagina, and perineum, to name them (approximately) from top to bottom.

How fast should I go?

This isn't an attack. Don't go after the clitoris like a fireman attacking a fire. Quite often at first, the clitoris is far too sensitive for direct stimulation. Lick around it, stimulating the hood, teasing her inner labia, tasting her. Take your time and listen to her. Some women make noise, and some do not. It will be a while before you learn exactly what your lover prefers as far as oral sex is concerned.

Some women may like additional stimulation-- a finger or two into the vagina, or perhaps even the anus. She may want your hands to reach up and play with her breasts, or she may want your fingers to hold her labia apart so that your tongue can get at her vulva more directly.

I've heard cunnilingus doesn't taste good.

If the taste or smell bothers you or is a concern, ask her to wash first. Most people who enjoy cunnilingus agree that a clean vagina is a good, if acquired, taste.

As a woman nears her climax, she may want more direct stimulation. In general, fast, rhythmic stimulation is most effective at causing climax-- but there shouldn't be a rush to get there. Take your time and learn to appreciate what you can do for her.

What about cunnilingus during menstruation?

Some people are particularly turned off at the suggestion of cunnilingus during menstruation. If it is a concern to you, then wait. A tampon may well hold the blood back, as will a diaphragm, but some men can't stand the taste anyway. If your partner is healthy, however, there is no particular danger in menstrual blood, and some women find that orgasms during their periods allievate cramps.

A special note for guys...

Cunnilingus is as much appreciated by women as is fellatio by men. The key to beginning with an inexperienced partner and with little of your own is to make it plain to her if she hasn't managed fellatio yet, that you doing this for her is not some form of blackmail or reciprocally implied agreement that you get to come in her mouth or something. Give it time. Some, anyway. If you have found or are now finding the smell of a woman's genitals to be as intoxicating and as surprisingly so as most men feel when they try cunnilingus, then you should have no trouble! We are so clearly evolved to do that that many men find it every bit as stimulating as intercourse, as surprising as that might seem to a "newbie" to sex!

Basically there are a couple approaches, and they require a guide. The woman! Always the woman!! beg, beseech, tell, her that you REALLY want her to tell you what feels the best ALL the time, and that you CRAVE hearing her tell you, even if she is demanding and particular. Tell her that it arouses you to hear her directing you and that it delights you to be directed by her to satisfy her!! Tell her that even if she became shrill and maniacally demanding that it would make her needs all the more endearing to you!! GET HER TO TALK!!! This is sometimes hard, both because women are taught to be less revealing of their desires, and she may feel "un-ladylike, even if she would wince at that expression!!! Assure her that you find her sexual demands to be the MOST ladylike and alluring that she could be!! And then there are basically two positions. She may wish at first to recline to relax and concentrate. Get between her legs and do what she wishes. Place her hands on the sides of your head and bid her direct you where she pleases. Most typically a woman who is new will not know quite what she likes, and a little knowledge on your part is good. After all, she likely has never had an animated vibrator before whom she has to direct.

There are a few basic patterns to use with your mouth and tongue, and a couple simple things to know. First, tease her clitoris and upper labia where they meet her clit with your tongue. Some like this side to side or from beneath the inner labia and clitoris. Some like an all over randomly walking tongue to stroke them in every direction to start with, and don't exert much pressure unless you feel her pulling your head tighter against her, and she may pull QUITE HARD as she discovers her pleasure and then encourage her to tell you at each stage, as it does change from non-arousal to arousal to orgasm, where to be and what to do! Commonly women often express that men seem not to lick under the clit and inner labia enough and spend to much time directly on the two sides of the helmet of the clitoris, and this simply makes them feel numb after a while. So both vary your pressure and your direction of approach with strokes of your tongue. Also, many women complain that men use a pointed tongue across back and forth, when they would like the tongue to be broad and softened and flattened and brought up from beneath. Some women like to have the clitoris and surrounding labia and clitoral hood to be sucked gently and licked while being sucked and they will readily come to orgasm. Others with more spread out genital features may find that too much, and they will need less pressure, not much sucking at all till the end, and the flatter tongue licking up their clitoris from beneath it. In all respects take their word for it, or you may be there all day.

Don't be at all surprised if the woman wants to stop for a minute or two to let it "cool off", from the friction and get the numbness to go away again. A good thing to do then is to lightly blow on it if she likes that, and to suck and lick the surrounding body parts, the inner thighs and her pubic mound and the fleshy outer labia outside the area of most delicate tissues. Also a sucking bite to the beginnings of the globes of her fanny are usually quite stimulating to her. Sometimes she will simply wish to relax a minute though, so simply tell her that you are hers to command!

When you resume, follow her lead until orgasm is achieved, realizing, as a man does, that persisting too long after the onset of orgasm can be painful or even overwhelming, but that we often like it as women do as well if after the full orgasm has subsided if very delicate and soft slow licks are made to the labia and hooded clitoris with the flattened tongue, or a light suction is applied with the lips to the whole area and simply and lightly maintained with very very slow and tentative strokes with the tongue. Do not be surprised if she pulls your head up off of her if it is too overwhelming. Smile at her and reassure her that her almost involuntary need was not at all offensive to you. Then settle in for some cuddling under covers and some gentle kissing for a time, before inquiring for intercourse or other. Take it slow and you will have a better time. Do not be surprised if the woman takes between 20 and 40 minutes to come from this effort. As you come to know her better you will likely get good enough to always have her come within 10 to 15 minutes, but this takes time to learn between any two partners.

Also, another variation she may wish to try, either before or after intercourse, is for her to sit upon your mouth with her legs astride you facing away from you. This is a comfortable and most pleasant position for a man, as you have best approach to the entire area, and also if she has shown interest in having your tongue deep inside her, this is the perfect position to do so! First follow the previous guidelines and have her come. Everything will be upside down from before, but at least this way left and right are the same. ;-)

Follow her instructions and have her to orgasm. It is often felt as good by her to have your nose into the entrance of her vagina while licking her from "below" that with your flattened tongue and maintaining some suction on her inner labia. Then when she is just beyond the height of orgasm , at the point where she begins relaxing, tell her to bear down and grunt and you insert your tongue into her vagina as far as it will go and lick stiffly all about and massage the musculature of the first few inches of her vagina while sucking quite hard as well upon the whole of her anatomy of the inner labia and such with the broadened lips. Do always keep your teeth off her, just as you would wish that of her for you! During this orgasm and immediately following the bulk of her coming, if she can bear down and push, you may even get a lick at her cervix. She should react more and more to this the more she does it. And, with the Kegel exercises that she can do, trying to do the both things together will likely press her over an "edge" that she didn't know was there, and she may find herself experiencing a powerful contraction of her whole insides which is another type of orgasm completely, and which she will be VERY pleasantly surprised by, a vaginal orgasm, which is different in character from a clitoral orgasm, and even more draining and satisfying. You may be asked to continue this maneuver for some time, depending on how much she is getting out of it!

Do have her look up and practice the very simple Kegel exercises though, if you can encourage her, as both these together are the key to this other, more amazing orgasm!! It can be continued with rests to breath for almost as long as she can stand to do it if she learns it! If she tries the same maneuvers during intercourse, then YOU will find the miracle of a lifetime during sex as well, and you would be quite loath to ever leave this lady who has found how to expand both her pleasure and yours to an extreme that you simply cannot perform yourself! She will find how to meet you halfway with her ability to contract upon you, and that penile size is quite irrelevant; at that point she could clench in orgasm for hours on nothing but a pencil or a finger!! And you will find that her clenching prevents you from coming prematurely as well, and you will find yourself able to delay orgasm quite easily for a very very long time, just from her clenching, which is like unto a mild squeeze technique to delay male orgasm! And you will find that you barely need to move in her to have her experience her orgasms over and over, about a minute apart for most of each minute! She requires time to relax and breath is all! Now this is, condensed, what CAN happen for you two over years of experience together, but through this knowledge, it can be achieved much earlier as well! The key is in obeying her needs, taking the time and trust to learn this together, and being as enamored of her flavor as of the most beautifully smelling musky flowery smell that you have ever smelled or tasted! A juicy woman is like a warm fragrant melon with your tongue and cheeks buried in it that you cannot bring yourself to part with. Oral sex is the key to vaginal orgasms.

Fellatio - Oral sex upon a penis

What is Fellatio?

Fellatio, giving head, giving a blow-job. Many men love this kind of stimulation, and many people, both women and men, like giving it. Fellatio is the act of applying your lips to a man's penis with the purpose of giving him pleasure.

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There are few tips to fellatio that can be given other than practice. The lips and the tongue are the major sources of stimulation, and it is with the lips and tongue that you should apply the attention to make him feel good. Both men and women respond well to pressure and rhythm. A steady, strong stroke will be enough to get the reaction you're looking for.

What if it doesn't smell or taste good?

If the smell isn't something you enjoy, then tell him to go take a shower! While this is something you're doing primarily for his pleasure, that doesn't mean you have to suffer if he's lacking in hygiene! And if you're worried about germs, your mouth has millions more germs than a clean penis.

What is "deep throating?"

Deep throating is the act of taking the penis down past your gag reflex. In reality, this particular sexual adventure is very overrated. The best way to give fellatio is still with the lips and tongue, taking only as much as you can without gagging. However, for those that want to know, the basic lesson is still practice. Take the penis as far as you can without choking, and then close your eyes and concentrate, taking each quarter inch, telling yourself that you won't choke, that you can take it out at any time, and slowly swallow it down. Then rise off of it just as slowly.

Are there any special spots on the penis?

Every penis is different, and each has its sensitive spots and its preferred ways of being handled. Listen to your lover. The sounds he makes and the feel of his body tensing are your best clues that you're going this right.

Should I use my hands?

Feel free to grasp with your hands whatever of the penis you can't fit into your mouth. Many men like as much stimulation as possible, and the feel of a wet mouth and a saliva-slicked hand are enough to send them to the brink of orgasm very quickly.

What is 69?

Some people feel that the best position to perform oral sex is the 69 position, where each partner lies with their head by the other's genitals. For fellatio, this even makes sense-- most penises curve upwards, towards the head, and in this position that curve matches the curve of the throat. However, it is difficult to both perform and appreciate oral sex at the same time. Try the position, or kneel by his body, but at least in the beginning do one thing at a time.

My boyfriend wants me to swallow. What do I do?

Which brings us to a sensitive issue: swallowing ejaculate. For many men, this is important to them-- they like to feel that by swallowing their semen, you complete this act of lovemaking and accept a part of themselves into your body. But many people don't like the taste of semen and can't bring themselves. Talk about this beforehand-- let him know if you can't handle it, and that it's not personal.

Can I make my seminal fluids taste better?

Macrobiotic nutritionists have actually done research on this question, and the answer is in: you are what you eat. Common sense dictates that if you taste good, your lover will want to eat you more often, so improving your body's taste and smell should be important to you.

In general, nutritionsists say that alkaline-based foods such as meets and fish produce a butter, fish taste. Dairy products, which contain a high bacterial putrefaction level create the foulest tasting fluids by far. (Dissent: almost everyone I know says that there is one worse than a high-dairy content-- asparagus. You can't miss the taste of asparagus-laced semen.) Acidic fruits, such as sweets, fruits, and alcohol give bodily fluids a pleasant, sugary flavor. Chemically processed liquors will cause an extremely acidic taste, however, so if you're going to drink alcohol, drink high-quality, naturally fermented beers (Rolling Rock or Kirin) or sake.

What are the contents of semen?

The question of semen content arises especially among persons who regularly swallow semen, as in fellatio, and who are concerned about calorie intake and nutritional substances. The average ejaculate contains aboutonia, ascorbic acid, blood-group antigens, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, choline, citric acid, creatine, deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), fructose, glutathione, hyaluronidase, inositol, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid, sodium, sorbitol, spermidine, spermine, urea, uric acid, vitamin b12, and zinc.

The caloric content of an average ejaculate is estimated to be approximately 15 calories.

Enthusiasm.

There is only one true way to do fellatio, and that's with enthusiasm. You have to love what you're doing to him, either because you love him or you love sucking cock. Loving both is best! Faked orgasms have nothing on lackluster fellatio.

HOW TO SUCK COCK - A 14 LESSON TUTORIAL WITH TECHNIQUES FROM SOME OF THE EXPERTS.

LESSON ONE

I am not sure if it was because I grew up in a household with brothers or whether I would have had the same feelings and inclinations had I been an only child but I do know that from the time of my earliest memories I have been fascinated with penises.

Let's talk about the "basic penis." I regard oral sex as the highest form of expression of love that can be exchanged between two people. Hopefully this information will help you to break down any barriers which you might have that would prevent you from expressing your love in this way and from receiving a reciprocation from your male companion.

First things first. LOOK at the cock. I do not mean a cursory glance not a hurried, surreptitious examination. Take enough time that you convince your companion that some kind of treat is in store for him provided he will allow you to do with him, and particularly with his cock, exactly what you want.

Place him flat on his back on your bed, in a well lighted room. Take his cock in your hand and LOOK at it. He probably will not have the will power to stay soft, but then again you are worshipping his very essence. Few men can stay soft under these circumstances, when it is apparent that the person LOOKING at his cock is worshipping.

When you first start to touch him, his cock will become hard and be in a state where your examination will be meaningful. Wouldn't it be nice if going to the doctor for an examination was as enriching?

The cock must be hard if you are to be able to note the important parts-those parts sensitive to stimulation by your lips and tongue.

The first thing you will note is whether or not he is circumcised. Circumcision is not universally practiced: there are advantages and disadvantages to penises in both conditions from the standpoint of providing oral caresses that bring the highest kind of delight to your man.

Next take a close look at the shaft of the penis itself. There is a bulbous part of the organ near the outer end, slightly larger in diameter than the shaft, which is often called the head. Technically this is the glans penis (comes from the Latin glans which means acorn. Look at it closely; does kind of look like an acorn doesn't it?)

The outside perimeter of the glans penis is the corona. This joins the head to the shaft. This is the most sensitive spot on the penis. It is toward this ridge that you will direct most of your attention when you are giving head. Follow this ridge around to the underside of the penis. You know that I like to call it the underbelly. I am particularly fond of the underbelly!

You will notice a point of juncture where the two ends of this irregular circle come together. If your partner is not circumcised, this will also be the point where the foreskin is attached. This tiny area is easily the most sensitive spot on his entire body, and it is possible to bring your partner to climax simply by gently tapping the tip of your tongue directly on it. Spend time caressing the glans and those areas immediately surrounding it.

Beneath the glans is the shaft of the penis. The shaft does not have many nerve endings and does not, therefore, provide a man with any high degree of stimulation when caressed either manually or with your tongue to the exclusion of the glans penis itself. It always amazes me to note the number of confirmed cocksuckers who believe that sucking up and down on the shaft will get the guy off. That's not it folks! If it works it is because the back of your throat is playing tricks on his glans penis. Your throat is giving head to his head!

Beneath the shaft are the testicles (balls, jewels, call them what you like, but let's not ignore their significance). The testicles are extremely sensitive to pain and are not usually considered subject to erotic stimulation to any particular degree. Not true! You can add a high degree of pleasure for him by paying the right kind of attention to the balls!

Now lets go back to the shaft of the matter. The opening in the tip of the glans penis is the meatus. Here is where the cum spurts. (I could have said semen is ejaculated but I did not want to sound too professional).

There are other parts of a man's body which respond with alacrity to oral stimulation.

Many men are particularly sensitive around the nipples. The first time I kissed my partner's nipples he shot before I had the chance to even get near his cock. While I have not been able to duplicate this in the laboratory setting (he hates to go near the lab with me) my partner still gets extremely turned on by my lingual nipple caresses.

So LOOK at your partner's penis. Study it. Learn its areas of special sensitivity completely and be ready to apply your knowledge to his body with your tongue and with your lips when you bend your loving head over his cock. There is nothing that you can do which more clearly shows your love for him than the worship you can provide his cock!

LESSON TWO

The sad fact is that most people, men and women, do not have the slightest idea of how to suck cock. Most seem to think that simply by making a cunt of their mouth, closing it around a man's penis, and bobbing their heads lustily up and down until he climaxes automatically makes them expert cocksuckers. Au contraire!

Consummate skill is required to suck a man's cock and provide him with the highest degree of pleasure possible. When I first started my quest I really had no one to turn to for advise and counsel. It was all hunt and suck. Hunt and suck. Find that one technique that could and would set him on fire! I had to learn from my experiences and while I would not want to deny you the innate pleasure that these experiences will bring I would hate to see you lose a great companion because of your inexperience and lack of expertise.

Let's assume that you have taken that opportunity to LOOK at his penis. To explore each area of the penis to find the most sensitive parts. That you have gotten beyond "Parts is parts" and recognize that some parts are more equal than others.

In order for you to observe your man's reactions and get the most information possible about his responses try the following:

While his erect penis points toward the ceiling, cup his balls in one hand and gently, using only your tongue, lick softly, but carefully along the entire underside of his erect organ. As you suck along the underbelly you will learn those areas that give him the greatest pleasure when your tongue is touching them. Unless he is made of stone, your partner will provide you with vivid clues as to which areas are most pleasurable.

As you discover these areas of enhanced pleasure concentrate on them. For most men the most sensitive area will be the point where the ring (or corona) of the head and the foreskin are attached. Or were attached prior to his circumcision.

By continued licking and tapping along this area with your tongue you are going to bring forth a geyser. If you are not skilled and you want to please him in a hurry I suggest that you get him off in this manner in order to become familiar at first hand with the nature and delight of his climax.

As he is getting ready for climax you will note changes in his penis. These signs will be the same every time he climaxes so that you can prepare for his cum properly. The head of the cock may swell somewhat larger then it is during the normal course of his erection. He may thrust his hips forward as he wants to send his body hurtling out his cock with his cum. And for most men, immediately prior to the cum, there will appear at the tiny, lovely lips at the tip of the cock a clear drop or two of fluid. When you see this or feel the opening at the meateus through his condom you know that the moment of truth is at hand. Launch the torpedoes, full cum ahead!

Where should you be when you are sucking his cock? Between his legs, on top of him, in a sixty nine position? Where? Because of the structure of his penis, as well as the structure of your mouth, lips, tongue, and teeth, you can provide the highest degree of sensation to yourself and your partner by kneeling between his legs and approaching his cock from the bottom rather than from the side or the top. Don't believe me? Try the various positions (I describe in later chapters techniques to be used with each position). See what works best for you and your partner.

LESSON THREE

Place his stiff cock inside your mouth but do not tighten your lips around the shaft. With your head begin a circle motion. The cock will slide to different places in your mouth as you continue the circle motion. Watch your teeth on this one. A kneeling position will suffice but it is also effective when your partner is on his back and your head is directly over his cock. The circle should be executed in both clockwise and counterclockwise motions in a slow purposeful manner. I found many guys in New York who seem to prefer this technique above all others. I met one guy who could circle a cock for hours and I found myself having multiple orgasms while his mouth circled my cock. I didn't lose my hard-on after each cum. When the technique is performed correctly it means many hours of unadulterated pleasure.

LESSON FOUR

With your man sitting in an elevated position and you on your knees in front of him lift his hard cock to reveal his balls. With your tongue find the underside of his balls. Now, while resting his balls on your wet tongue, lick in an upward motion to the very tip of his cock. It is permissible to use your hands in this technique. It is bettor to do this technique several times in succession-like licking a lollipop or ice cream cone. I grew up down south. And one thing about.southern boys. We learn early how to get if off quickly when the need is there. And the lollipop lick is the one technique in this book which few men can tolerate for long periods of time without cumming.

LESSON FIVE

Right now lets discuss a technique that is probably the most common cocksucking technique in the world. Take his cock in your mouth but not deeply. We will get to deep throating later on. It's great, not over-rated, but if you want to be an expert at deep throat start with the right techniques and work your way down, so to speak.

Take his cock in your mouth by sliding your moistened tongue lovingly over the head until your lips close around the shaft at the point just behind the corona . Don't just open your mouth and close it around his cock. Slide it in. He will enjoy it much more. Encase the shaft of his penis with your hand. Remember the shaft is relatively insensitive to any kind of stimulation. By enclosing his penis with your hand you give him the sensation of having his penis encased.

Now you have several options. Try twisting your head from side to side making sure your moist lips stay in contact with the coronal ridge. While doing this gently move your hand up and down the shaft. When he climaxes he may want to push your head further down the shaft of his penis. He wants to envelop you with his cock. As you are learning his climax you will miss the fine points if you deep throat at this time. Instead gently suck around the corona as he climaxes so that you can intensify his pleasure and increase the force of his orgasm.

As you gain more experience you will be able to tell exactly when his climax is approaching and you will be ready for that initial spurt out the rubber.

LESSON SIX

There is one further refinement to this basic technique which will heighten his orgasm. If you place your thumb at the very base of the penis in such a way as to block the tube through which the cum spurts, the semen cannot escape even though he is spasming and going through the reflex action of ejaculating semen.

If at the same time you suck vigorously on the head of his cock you can delay his cum for several long moments. When you finally allow the cum to spurt it will last much longer and be just as intense as a result. Even though you delay the cum for only a few short moments you will be surprised by the intensity of his cum.

These techniques are the basis of cocksucking. Do not go beyond them until you have become an expert, not only in the techniques themselves, but also in the reading and interpreting of your partner's responses to such a point that you know exactly how he is getting off on what you are doing. When you have reached this point, you are ready for the more subtle, more advanced techniques.

Don't be so slavish that you miss out on the fun of self discovery. Find out what works for you and for your partner and make your cocksucking as individual as your signature. After all, you want your man to pick you out in the dark among hundred slobbering cocksuckers.

LESSON SEVEN

One of the first things you encountered when you first started to suck cock was a gag reflex. Most men seem to want to force their cocks down your throat as far as they can get it. Particularly at the moment when they cum!

Consider for a moment that the average length of your oral cavity is three to three and a half inches while the average Caucasian cock length is five to five and a half inches. The laws of nature would seem to dictate that getting all that cock into your mouth is an impossibility.

It can be done. You probably know someone who can do it and that is why you purchased this book to begin with. It is possible to master the necessary technique. I don't want to be boring, but if you understand your anatomy you will begin to understand the requirements that allow you to take his hard cock into your mouth and down your throat. The biggest obstacle to taking all of his cock down your throat is the fact that there is a bend of almost ninety degrees behind your tongue leading down into your throat. So the first thing to do is get the cock past that angle.

Get past the angle of the dangle!

In order to practice this, get in a position where you can turn your head in such a way that your mouth and throat lie almost in a straight line. The best position to accomplish this is to lie on a bed so that your head is near the edge with your body sprawled across the bed so that your head is tipped sharply back. This position will put your mouth and throat nearly in a line and will allow your partner to approach you in such a way that insertion of his cock can be made so deeply that his pubic hair presses against your lips.

LESSON EIGHT

Today we will practice mastering physical reaction that must be alleviated before the art of deep penetration can fully be enjoyed. The natural tendency of the body to gag when a foreign object such as a deeply thrusting cock being forced down your throat. You can overcome this tendency by completely relaxing your throat at moment the insertion is made. It is equally important that you maintain this relaxation during the entire deep throating.

Let him put his cock down your throat and hold it still while you find the most comfortable way to proceed. Because of your position you will not be able to move or to offer him any greater stimulation than simply keeping your mouth tightly closed around his throbbing cock. If you are able try to stimulate his underbelly with your tongue, do it!

You will only be able to relax and take his cock in this way if you completely thrust your partner. Your partner is in full control. He must initiate and maintain all the motion. This is the only exercise in which you relinquish your control of the situation to your partner. He will relish this for the simple fact that for the first time he can insert his cock as deeply down your throat as he wants to. Now your partner begins an in and out movement that is just like fucking. He should start slowly, especially if this is a completely new experience for the two of you. After all if he hurts you he cuts himself off from one of the great pleasures in life. His only other requirement during this exercise is to keep the motion in the same direction throughout this oral exercise as there is simply no leeway for him to vary the motion from side to side.

One other word of caution.

Don't let your partner get carried away at the moment he starts to cum. At that spectacular moment he will be able for the first time to thrust his cock all the way inside your oral cavity and that is the most important lesson of this exercise! His only other requirement during the exercise is to keep the motion in the same against your lips as he cums. Because of your position in bed you will not be faced with the problem of swallowing his cum. And this is not just because he has a condom on his dick. The reason is because he has gotten his cock BEYOND your gag reflex! Without the rubber his cum would shoot directly into your stomach! If both you and your partner understand what it is that you are trying to do as well as the possible problems that may "cum" up along the way no harm or discomfort will happen to either of you.

It is possible that not everyone will learn the "deep throat" technique but this inability does not make you any less a cocksucker. You must allow your throat to relax completely while your partner is thrusting his cock this deeply down your throat. To do this long enough for your partner to completely get it off is very difficult and may require practice beyond this day. It may be that you will be able to take your partner completely down your throat, but you will not be able to maintain proper relaxation of your throat to until he shoots his load. Hopefully your partner will understand that this is not a rejection of him or of what he is offering you, and it is my sincere desire that you not stop here and think that you will never master the "deep throat" technique.

Continue to practice this lesson. I know couples who have devoted ten months to this lesson alone. Continue to practice this technique because your practice will allow you to take his cock deeper into your throat each time and for longer periods of time. Ultimately you will succeed. If you have the desire you will get this one down pat!

LESSON NINE

Now lets turn to another portion of your partner's anatomy which should not be ignored-the family jewels. Here are two objects which can enhance your partner's feelings more than any other. Many people do not think of the balls as primary sexual objects. Many men are extremely sensitive and just as in lesson eight there must be a certain amount of trust built up between the two of you before he will willingly let you have undisputed use of these two pearls of delight!

For today's lesson begin by gently licking his balls with your tongue. As your partner becomes more trusting you may begin to play with his nipples with your fingers gradually increasing or decreasing the intensity as you gauge how he is responding. You may want to gently caress his cock with your hand while you are bathing his balls with your tongue.

Remember that the balls are extremely sensitive to pain and he will lose his trust in you if you do not respect any limits he places on them just as you have the right to place limits on the back of your throat until you are completely ready to receive him.

It is possible once you have built up this trust to take both his balls in your mouth. He will be more receptive to this if you thoroughly wet them with your tongue prior to taking them into your mouth. Unless your partner is into the new fad of complete body shaving he will have tiny hairs on his testicles. By giving the balls a complete tongue bath prior to taking them into your mouth, you will have pressed these hairs down along the surface of the sac and will not inadvertently cause pain by pulling on them.

This may seem a small lesson but you will discover an entirely new world of sensations for your partner when you take the time to get to know his testicles!

LESSON TEN

I hesitated to include this into your lesson plan but finally I decided that if you are aware of the most safe way to do this technique that my responsibility for giving you the tools to be the best cocksucker you can be will be satisfied.

Analingus. Putting your tongue to his anal opening. Ass sucking.

Before you even consider doing this, make certain that your partner is clean. Immediately out of the shower. Place a piece of Saran wrap over the butt. At no time should your tongue come into contact with the anal surface itself.

For this lesson place your partner on his back with his legs in the air and his knees close to his shoulders. This spreads his buttocks apart and allows you access to his butthole.

You are probably under the impression that actual penetration of the asshole itself is necessary for your partner to receive the most complete enjoyment of this technique. Not so mojo! The nerve endings around the anus itself have no discrimination and you will get him off just as well and as thoroughly by licking around the area as if you stick your tongue up his butt!

As with some of your other lessons this technique will not usually be enough to get him to cum, but I feel that it is important to know all aspects of your partner's body in order to give him the most complete pleasure you can. You may find that after many hours of oral pleasure you need to have other areas to concentrate on in order to give him the satisfaction he deserves.

Analingus is a powerful stimulant and when combined with other activities such as vigorous hand stimulation on his cock will cause a rapid and powerful cum!

LESSON ELEVEN

For most of our lessons the only thing required is yourself, your partner, and a condom. Maybe some Saran wrap. A plastic glove or two. Well, another toy that will enhance your pleasure is a mini-vibrator. For this lesson you may want to start with your finger. Then as you and your partner become more accustomed to each other you may find him a little intrigued about the vibrator and what it can do for him.

As you are giving head begin a slow playful search around his ass. Many men are particularly sensitive in this area and it will enhance the sensations that your mouth and tongue and throat are giving his cock to feel a finger playing with his butt. As your partner relaxes and allows you access, gently insert your gloved finger into his butt. Go slowly exploring the velvety sensations along the sides of his opening.

When your finger is inside his asshole completely you will be at the area of the prostate gland. Massage of this gland by your finger will produce some of the most delightful sensations your partner has yet to experience. I remember going to the doctor for a physical the first time I felt this sensation. I could hardly wait to get home and have my partner try it out on me again. While it was a bit embarrassing to cum in the doctor's office, the feelings that the doctor inadvertently produced were so strong that I wanted to experience them again and again!

A gloved finger is really all that is required for this lesson. However some members of the Cocksuckers Club of America report to me that a mini-vibrator works exceptionally well for this type of stimulus. It is just the same length as the average finger and due to the vibrations that it produces the sensations against the prostate gland are even more enhanced!

If your partner likes this stimulation you must then discover which method he likes best. Some men prefer an in an out movement with the finger or the vibrator while others do not. I personally find this painful--too much like a stab in the dark. I prefer the finger or vibrator to be placed against the prostate gland and left there to do its most. Whichever method your partner prefers is the one you should use.

One other point. When your partner cums there will be a natural tendency for him to push the finger or vibrator out of his asshole. The asshole muscles are spasming and anything in the way will be forced out. But to maximize his pleasure you must not let this happen. Hold your finger or the vibrator firmly in place-- this will help to stimulate the sperm production to its maximum.

Many people have questioned me about a vibrator around the cock itself. Does it add to the sensation or not?

It does for my partner, it does not for me. That seems to be the consensus of opinion of other readers of FRENCH CUISINE MAGAZINE as well. I suggest as long as you have the vibrator handy anyway, try it around the penis. When you are licking his balls. When you are licking his asshole. If he gets off on it, then feel free to use the vibrator around his dick and balls. If he hates the sensation obviously don't try it again.

LESSON TWELVE

There are times when you will want to get him off in a hurry! I always say that Southern boys learn this one first and then expand their repertory from that point. But because I want you to become an expert at all aspects of oral lovemaking I deliberately waited until now to introduce this technique. It differs from lesson four in that you are a more consummate cocksucker now. He will love it all the more if he realizes that this is not the only trick you have down your mouth!

It is a very simple technique and if you understand your partner's basic cock anatomy you will grasp this one easily. Place your lips around the head of your partner's cock and twirl your lips wetly and gently around the coronal ridge at the back of the head of his penis. This does not require any great cocksucking skill and it works simply because this is the area that is most sensitive on your partner's cock.

It is not necessary to be a skillful cocksucker. All that is necessary is for you to find the most sensitive area around the coronal area. By sucking on this area of his cock continuously you will produce a quick powerful cum. It is not necessary to bob your head up and down on his cock to get him off. One other use of this technique is to get him hard again after he cums and you will soon find him rip roaring to go again.

LESSON THIRTEEN

Don't be surprised if you find yourself going back to this lesson for seconds. We discussed briefly at the end of lesson 12 a technique to get him going again if he has recently cum. Today after you have gotten your man off, lets concentrate on some techniques to get him back on again. Not just to get him hard but to keep him hard. Hard enough to want to cum again!

After he has cum you may need other techniques to keep him hard and to keep him interested. Many men (not all but a good portion of us) are exhausted by a single cum and while it is possible to get your partner up again you have a long way to go before you get him to cum again.

Cocksucking alone at this time is usually not enough to get him off. You will need to combine some of the techniques you have learned earlier with your basic cocksucking technique to stimulate the juices for a second and third go around. Don't hesitate in your exploration of his body at this time. His nipples, his balls, his asshole. His armpits. His earlobes.

For the second cum you are free to really get into his body and explore all those erotic areas that you missed when you were concentrating on his cock exclusively. His navel. His toes.

One of the things I find most exciting about the second cum is the lack of expectation that you must get him to climax within a certain time frame. You have all the time in the world to really give his total body a complete tongue bath. You can explore his body safely and completely and really get to know the total body as well as you know his delightful dick! This is merely a sign that you are becoming a true connoisseur of cockflesh. A title I am proud to hold.

LESSON FOURTEEN

Soixante-Neuf Sixty Nine

Sixty nine is not always the perfect way to provide your partner oral satisfaction. Inadvertently one of you will "let up" your end of the cocksucking in order to experience the subtle pleasures the other partner is giving you. For this reason I have included it as the final lesson. Many people think that the deep throat technique is the ultimate pleasure you can give your partner. Actually I believe that sixty-nine is the ultimate pleasure.

Done correctly and unselfishly when both of you are completely in tune with each others innermost desires, the sixty nine is the ultimate. But because of the problem mentioned earlier in this lesson, most people practice it too early and it becomes an intensely satisfying experience for one partner at the expense of the other. When you are completely on each other's wavelength you will discover that this is the most effective way of giving as well as receiving pleasure.

The element that must be in place is simple: Both of you must be consummate cocksuckers! If you have a partner who is not in the least interested in giving head and only likes to receive it then to attempt sixty-nine is to ask for unhappiness in your relationship.

TECHNIQUES

As editor of FRENCH CUISINE MAGAZINE I sometimes send out questionnaires to our members to find out more. I question them about their desires, and their favorite ways to practice safe and sane oral sex Here are some of the most popular variations on cocksucking.

THE BUTTERFLY FLUTTER

The best position for this very sensuous cocksucking movement is kneeling over your partner. If he is on his back kneel between his legs. Or kneel in front of your partner while he stands. I like this position because the cock feels thicker in your mouth and throat and you have complete freedom to play with his balls while performing this maneuver.

This technique was first introduced to me by a cocksucker in northern California. There was a notorious movie theater in downtown San Francisco with a darkened balcony. A cocksucker's haven. And this guy had us lined up. You knew from the moans emanating from the guy's throat who was getting his cock sucked that this guy was that one in a thousand who knew how to please a variety of fresh cockmeat. It felt so good that I studied him closely while he was sucking cock. Not only did I observe the guys who were getting the radical suck, but I got down close to the cock and observed how he was maneuvering around it. He created the basic vacuum pressure on the cock but only enough pressure to pull the cock into his mouth ever so slightly.

With his lips firmly wrapped around the guy's big swollen cock head and shaft he would gently flick the tip of the cock with his tongue. With his lips open around the cock at a depth so that he could touch the tip of the cock with the tip of his tongue. With his lips around the cock shaft he would make an up and down movement with his tongue. He would flutter his tongue up and down the tip of the cock.

I recommend you try it. It will drive your Butterfly Flutter partner back into your mouth at any hour you want him there. After several minutes of this continue with the basic vacuum suck.

THE TRAVELING FIGURE EIGHT

After you have become comfortable with the basic vacuum suck and you have become accustomed to his cock deep in your mouth and throat try this action. It is guaranteed to take his breath away. With your lips firmly wrapped around the cock shaft try very slowly to reach the base of the shaft or as close to it as you are comfortable. Your nose should be buried in or at least touching the pubic hairs at the base of the cock.

With your nose trace a figure eight as if the figure eight were lying on it's side. Your figure eight motion should be three to four inches long. Slowly travel up the shaft of the cock to the head, doing the figure eight motion. Keep doing this motion and let your lips firmly travel up and down the cock shaft. Do this for as long as you are comfortable with it. Believe me your man is floating in orbit as his wildest dreams of the ultimate blow job are coming true.

I give credit for this most erogenous technique to a member of "The Cocksuckers Club of America" who lives in Oregon. He and his partner were on vacation down in Southern California and they visited me while here. After seeing him scrape his partner off the ceiling when he did the Traveling Figure Eight, I rushed right into my bedroom and perfected it on my own partner! When you get tired of the movement slow down and return to the basic vacuum suck.

By this time you are becoming more and more confident with your partner. His cock feels great as it fills your mouth and throat. The cock is becoming harder and warmer as your warm moist mouth and throat create friction by going up and down that big beautiful cock. It is time to cool his tool just a little with this technique.

I take full credit for this one myself! From the time I hit puberty I was fascinated by cocks. Big ones, little ones, cut ones, uncut ones, crooked ones, straight ones. All shapes, all sizes. I wanted to feel them down my throat! Combine this very basic love of cocksucking with an inherent fear of not being able to take cock and completely satisfy the customer and you can imagine how I felt. I needed a technique that would feel good in my mouth and would feel good for my partner. Here's what I came up with:

Go down on the cock shaft as far as you are comfortable. All the while your lips should be firmly wrapped around the shaft. Open your mouth as wide as you can and suck in as much air as your lungs will hold. While sucking in air let your open mouth travel up to the cock head. Your up stroke motion should end at the head of his cock just as your lungs fill with air. Now with your mouth still open let the air in your lungs out slowly through your mouth as your opened mouth travels back down the cock shaft. This technique cools the cock on the up stoke and warms the cock with your hot breath on the down stroke. Do this movement as long as you like then return to the basic vacuum suck method.

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are doing just fine and he loves it! Keep it up as long as you are comfortable with it. For his added pleasure and to give you something to play with reach up and fondle his balls. Or go up even further and play with his nipples. This will give him something else to concentrated on so he doesn't pop his cock yet. If you feel he is about to cum stop what you are doing and let him cool off for a few minutes. After all you are having fun and you want to enjoy his cock as much as you can until you get tired of it. Then let him pop his cock! But not yet. He likes it too much and he wants it to last as long as you can keep it going.

THE CIRCLE

A kneeling position will suffice but it is also effective when your partner is on his back and your head is directly over his cock. The circle should be executed in both clockwise and counterclockwise motions in a slow purposeful manner.

THE LOLLIPOP LICK

With your man sitting in an elevated position and you on your knees in front lift his hard cock to reveal his balls. With your tongue find the underside of his balls. Now, while resting his balls on your wet tongue, lick in an upward motion to the very tip of his cock. It is permissible to use your hands in this technique. It is better to do this technique several times in succession-like licking a lollipop or ice cream cone.

Does the G-spot really exist?

The G-spot is named after its discoverer, Ernst Grafenberg. While many women still doubt its existence, others claim that stimulating a place about 5cm/2 inches inside the vagina towards the front of the body gives them intense pleasure.

The G-spot is said to be the female equivalent of the male prostate gland, which is situated about 5cm/2 inches up the rectum towards the front of the body. Stimulation of both these places can lead to orgasm in some cases. Some women have even found that they ejaculate a fluid if they have an orgasm by stimulation of the G-spot, and researchers in Canada and the United States claim that the composition of the fluid is remarkably similar to the secretion of the prostate gland.

How do you find the G-spot?

If you doubt the existence of the G-spot, you can try to find it yourself. The easiest way to reach it is with your own or your partner's finger, but there are also positions for intercourse in which the penis stimulates the sensitive area. Rear-entry is best, particularly with the man on top and a pillow beneath your hips, so that the penis presses against the front wall of the vagina.

AN APPROACH TO MANUAL VAGINAL AND G-SPOT STIMULATION

by the Society for Human Sexuality at the University of Washington

Last Modified: April 9, 1996

DISTRIBUTION

You may distribute this document in any form you wish provided it is not charged for and is distributed unmodified and in its entirety. If you wish to somehow sell this document, you must have the permission of the authors. The latest version of this document may be obtained from the Society for Human Sexuality WWW page at http://weber.u.washington.edu/~sfpse/

GENERAL COMMENTS

As is the case with almost all sex, your partner will know better than anyone else what feels good, so listen to what she has to say, especially as regards comfort and intensity. I'm not going to pepper this document with phrases such as "within the comfort level of your partner" because it should go without saying. Encourage her to talk to you, back off if it's too much, and change it if it would feel better in some other way. Let's face it; if it weren't for good feedback, this document wouldn't exist.

It should also go without saying that every woman is different, and that you should pay attention to what feels good for each person you are with. What I'm going to describe below has worked well with MANY of the people I have been with, but not ALL, and not in exactly the same way with each person. One key thing to get is that you can be communicative and responsive while still being confident. Practice this.

The advice in this document applies equally whether the insertive partner is male or female (though if you close your eyes, it doesn't really matter, does it...). It is assumed, however, (except in the "ON MEN" section discussing the prostate gland) that the receptive partner has female genitalia.

Oh, one other thing. Most of the people around me have reclaimed the word "cunt" so that it no longer has derogatory connotations. I'm going to make free use of that term in this document.

THE BASIC TECHNIQUE

First, clip your fingernails. Unless you and your partner are latex-monogamous, put on latex gloves. If you absolutely must have long fingernails for fashion reasons, then put cotton balls around your fingernails and wear latex gloves over them. Apply water-based lube liberally to your insertive hand, whether your partner is aroused and "wet" or not.

The idea in general is to use the first and second fingers of one's preferred hand in the vagina, in one of two basic patterns. Alternate between these two patterns as desired during the course of sex.

1. Slowly insert the fingers as far into the vagina as far as is possible/comfortable, and move them in even circles. The trick here is to keep consistent, firm pressure along the entire length of the fingers against the vaginal walls, and to keep the pressure fairly constant at all points in the rotation (though you can give a LITTLE extra pressure at 12 o'clock, in the direction of the G-spot, as long as you don't break the rotational rhythm.)

2. Place your fingers so that the fingertips are just behind the pubic bone, exerting pressure upwards (assuming your partner is lying on her back). This is direct G-spot stimulation, and feels best if the fingers are subtlely moving somehow. You can slowly rock in a circular motion, or if the fingers are pointed more sharply upwards you can rock forwards and back. Sometimes firm pressure is preferred here, depending on the amount and sensitivity of the tissue between the vaginal wall and the urethral sponge (see below).

BUT WHY?

The reason this feels so good is that it alternates feelings of being completely stuffed (#1) with direct G-spot stimulation (#2). So it's like being fucked by a huge cock with fingers and a brain. It also provides a great, and as far as we know optimal, opportunity for G-spot orgasms.

EMBELLISHMENTS

There's certainly other techniques you can add to your manual repertoire.

You can thrust your hand in and out in a simulated fucking style (and for an extra thrill, exert pressure upwards when withdrawing so you involve the G-spot on the way out).

You can use your thumb (of the insertive hand, or of another gloved hand) to stimulate the clitoris while working over her cunt.

You can use your non-insertive hand to do a wide variety of things: * Holding her * Running your hands over her body * Pinching nipples * Grabbing hair * Holding her hands above her head * Massaging/penetrating the anus (if she's lying on her side and your anal hand is gloved and lubed) * Having her suck your fingers * Etc.

You can lie down or crouch so that your head is next to hers and whisper hot things in her ear.

Some people put smooth, round beads in the fingertips of their gloves to provide more intense sensations when they have their hand in someone.

Other people slit their gloves up both sides, fold that up as a flap, and do oral sex on the clit through the flap while having their fingers in their lover's cunt (though you might want to get non-powdered gloves if you're going to do that so they taste better, or using a damp sponge wipe the powder off YOUR side of the flap).

One thing I personally can't do due to the size of my hands is actually vaginally fist someone. However, if your hands are small enough to do this with one of your female lovers and she's curious about it, it's definitely worth a try. With your hand palm up (and your lover on her back), you bring the fingers and thumb together to form a duck bill. With massaging, and possibly twisting motions, this can be worked into the vagina. If anatomy allows it, once you get in past the third knuckles the fingers will start to gently and naturally curve back to form a fist. Anyway, the whole procedure can take time, but the women and men who can take a whole fist vaginally or anally claim that it leads them to transcendant, spiritual states. See _Trust: The Handballing Book_ by Bert Herrman for a discussion of anal fisting, if that is your area of interest.

Oh, and before I forget... You and your partner might find the techniques described in this document to be more enjoyable if she is masturbating you as you are masturbating her (and whether you're male or female, remember the lube!)

But after having presented a multitude of specific techniques, let me say that eventually you can go beyond thinking about manual techniques at all and just go with the flow, being creative.

ON MULTIPLE ORGASMS

Most women who have experienced both claim that it is easier to have multiple G-spot orgasms than it is to have multiple clitoral orgasms. So, when you have your hand in some lovely tart, don't let the fact that she starts coming affect what you're doing too much. Whisper some words of encouragement to her and maybe rachet up the intensity just a little bit, but basically keep going through her orgasm, afterwards, and into the next one. Let HER tell you when she can't take any more; no sense in setting a priori limits :) There is often a pyramid effect with multiple G-spot orgasms; each one makes the next one feel better, and makes almost anything else sexual feel better too.

However, it should be said that it isn't too sexually or psychologically appealing to have a huge ego/emotional stake in having orgasms or having multiple orgasms, whether the person of concern is you or your partner. There's no point in getting "goal oriented" about something that's supposed to be fun.

ON CHEMICAL ENHANCEMENT

One other thing... I haven't done this for a long time, but I have found that when a female partner is high on pot it decreases the amount of time between one G-spot orgasm and the next, causing one orgasm to basically flow into the other. One partner described it as "forgetting" that she had come, hence coming again very quickly and for all practical purposes non-stop. Once when we were together and she was stoned, with my hand in her, she came continuously for two solid hours (we checked the clock). Anyway, I don't know if this is a universal phenomenon, but just so you know it's possible...

ANATOMICAL MUSINGS ON FEMALE EJACULATION AND THE PRESENCE OF THE G-SPOT

I'm not a doctor, and I don't even play one on TV. But...

According to _The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex_ by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans (which you should ALL get), the G-spot, anatomically, is the area beneath the urethral sponge. This would certainly at least partially explain its role in female ejaculation. It also sheds light on why G-spot stimulation makes some women feel like they have to pee when they really don't (though it HAS been shown that female ejaculate is NOT urine).

If you're interested in learning more on this topic you might consider watching the films _How to Female Ejaculate_ and _Sluts and Goddesses_. Still, it should be pointed out that female ejaculation is NOT a universal response to G-spot stimulation and orgasm; even among people who enjoy G-spot orgasms, it's still pretty rare.

So, since every woman has a urethral sponge, every woman has a G-spot. The only question is whether (#1) she likes having it stimulated and (#2) whether someone has used the proper technique and sufficiently firm pressure on it so that it IS being stimulated. When surveys show that a large percentage of women claim not to enjoy/notice G-spot stimulation, I personally suspect that it is often through concern #2 rather than from concern #1. That's purely speculative, of course; I have no data to back up that assertion. But anyway, try what I'm describing with some friends of yours and see what you think.

ON FINGER LENGTH

It helps to have long fingers, but it's no big deal. As long as your fingers can reach the G-spot and a little ways beyond, you're fine.

ON MEN

Many of these g-spot techniques will work in a similar fashion on men when performed anally. Men have what is called a "prostate gland," the stimulation of which can provoke and/or intensify orgasms. One may stimulate the prostate gland with the fingers a few inches inside the anus by pressing towards the penis. The prostate gland can often be palpated, and often feels like a little dome. Please see Jack Morin's book _Anal Pleasure and Health_ or _The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex_ by Winks and Semans for more information on prostate stimulation.

SAFER SEX CHOICES

To be completely safe with manual stimulation, you should wear gloves and use lube.

The best gloves to use are latex; vinyl feels terrible. It doesn't matter whether the gloves are powdered or not, but be sure they fit you properly. Also, always use water-based lube on the outside of your gloves, preferably something nice and thick (without Nonoxynol-9) like ForPlay. It doesn't matter if the receptive partner is highly aroused and "wet" or not; use lube anyway. Oil-based lubes like regular Crisco have their place in anal fisting, but oils can break down latex and can provoke vaginitis when used in the vagina.

Anyway, turning to safe sex in general for a moment, I've tried a lot of the products out there and have settled on the following:

Water-based Lube: ForPlay, without N-9 Latex Condoms: Kimono MicroThins, without N-9 Oral Barriers: Glyde "Lollyles" Gloves: Standard Latex Examination Gloves, powdered Towelettes: Benzalkonium Chloride antiseptic towelettes

The Kimono MicroThin condoms taste fine for oral sex; certainly, they taste better than powdered, unlubed condoms and those mint condoms. The Glyde barriers, like all oral barriers, feel even better if you put a drop of water-based lube on your partner's side before applying them. Some people like to put a drop of water-based lube in the tip of a condom before putting it on to increase sensation.

GETTING SAFE SEX SUPPLIES

If you're in Seattle or are willing to do mail order, the best place to get lube is Toys in Babeland (XXX-XXX-XXXX) and the best place to get condoms and Glyde oral barriers is The Rubber Tree (XXX-XXX-XXXX). The best place to get Antiseptic Towlettes in Seattle is Choice Medical (XXX-XXX-XXXX), but through mail order you might try Conney (XXX-XXX-XXXX). The best place to get latex examination gloves in Seattle is Bartel drugs, but through mail order you might try Conney again (XXX-XXX-XXXX). If you want more information on safer sex and for a listing of sexuality resources, please refer to the Society for Human Sexuality WWW page at http://weber.u.washington.edu/~sfpse/

MAKING A SAFER SEX TOY BAG

You can make a toy bag with your safe sex supplies in them which you can just grab when going out to play. With the lube, you can get a little bottle for it that you can refill from your economy bottle. Condoms and towelettes come attached to each other in groups, so they stay neat. You can put all the Glyde dams in one small zip-lock bag, and put a supply of gloves INSIDE one glove for storage. This whole kit should then fit in a hip pack or a pocket of a bookbag for a minimum of fumbling around in the heat of passion.

Sex positions

The missionary is the most commonly adopted lovemaking position, because it is so comfortable, but there are many different ways of enjoying each other's bodies, and each of the positions illustrated on the next pages may suggest another into which you can move.

Greater intimacy is offered by some positions' with all-over body contact and the opportunity to embrace and kiss, others offer deeper penetration, some are quite difficult to maintain, which creates a certain sense of urgency and excitement.

Adventurous lovers will find variations of their own, either by design or by chance: you may get overtaken by lust half way up the stairs or while talking in the kitchen. The important thing is to engage all your instincts and feelings, while remaining acutely aware of your partner's responses.

Index: SEX POSITIONS WITH PICTURES AND DESCRIPTIONS

Cowboy

Astride - woman on top

With the man lying on his back on the bed, the woman can sit astride him and control the pace of their lovemaking. Facing him, she may squat on her haunches for a more powerful bouncing movement, or, as here, kneel, supporting herself with her hands. This way, she is free to lean forward and kiss his mouth. From this position it is easy for her to increase the intimacy by lying with her whole body along his. A variation is for her to face away from him, increasing the depth of penetration.

Crawl

sex20.jpg (8039 bytes)

Deep penetration can be achieved with the woman on all fours and her partner kneeling behind her. This position gives both lovers the opportunity to thrust against one another, and the man may also caress his partner's breasts, buttocks and clitoris. Rear entry positions like this one are ideal when both partners are in the mood for vigorous rather than tender lovemaking. A variation is for both partners to stand with the woman bending forward and supporting herself against furniture.

Crossed

sex32.jpg (11803 bytes)

Here the woman lies on her back on the bed and the man lies diagonally across her. She opens her legs to allow him to enter and he rocks gently from side to side. She can guide his movements with the pressure of her hands. This position is somewhat easier to maintain if the man lies beneath on his back and the woman is in control.

Cuissade

This position is known as 'cuissade', from the French cuisse,meaning thigh. The woman lies on her back, with the man at her side. She raises the leg nearest to him and rests it on his body, and he enters from under her thigh, with his nearest leg crossing her body. They can hold one another and kiss, and the position is a very intimate one, possibly because of the 'secretive' form of entry. The woman can exert a certain amount of restraint with her thigh, which can make it more exciting.

Cunnilingus

sex24.jpg (10494 bytes)

In cunnilingus, the man stimulates his partner's vulva and clitoris with his lips and tongue. For most women, cunnilingus gives the most delicious sensual pleasure and is the best way of climaxing. It is also extremely arousing for her partner.

Fellatio

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In fellatio, the woman sucks, licks, kisses and strokes her partner's penis. Exquisitely satisfying for the man, fellatio can also give enormous erotic pleasure to the woman as she senses his responses and his total abandonment to her.

Fireside

sex16.jpg (8442 bytes)

In this cozy position, which can follow cunnilingus, the woman sits comfortably in an armchair with her hands and legs around the man, who enters kneeling in front of her. If she leans back, he can support himself with his hands on the back of the chair, which will allow him more thrust.

Futon

sex17.jpg (8451 bytes)

For this position you need to try out all your furniture to find a piece of the correct height. The woman lies on the edge of a table, futon or bed covered with quilts and pillows, and spreads her legs wide. The man can begin by kneeling to give her cunnilingus, then he enters her, supporting himself on his knees and holding her legs. This affords him a great deal of control, and the angle of penetration is steep.

Head to toe

sex22.jpg (10850 bytes)

The man lies on his back with his legs spread and his penis inside the woman, who also lies down on her back, with her legs spread across his, her toes pointing to his head, and her head away from him. The woman is in control. The partners cannot see each other and sensation is concentrated on the genitals. This position can be adopted from one in which the lovers sit on the bed facing one another, their legs interlaced.

Lap

sex21.jpg (7795 bytes)

This is a position that may suggest itself while cuddling on the sofa. The man sits with the woman straddling his lap, facing him. She controls the pace, they can kiss and he can caress her breasts. She moves up and down on him, supporting herself with her knees on the sofa, and her arms around his neck. If they use a dining chair, she can keep her feet on the floor and hold on to the chair back for support if necessary. If she faces away from him, they will be able to achieve deeper penetration, and she could support herself against furniture in front of her.

Missionary

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The missionary position is the most popular lovemaking position of all because it is comfortable, affords a great deal of body contact and good depth of penetration. The lovers can kiss and hold each other at the same time. The woman lies on her back with her legs spread and her knees raised, and her partner lies on top between her legs. From this position the woman can move to clasp her legs behind her partner's back or to close them tightly underneath him, while he spreads his.

Side by side

sex31.jpg (6553 bytes)

This position, with the lovers lying side by side and facing one another, is easy to slip into after mutual masturbation, and can be a prelude to rolling over with either partner on top. Here, the woman has her leg wrapped round her partner's body to facilitate deeper penetration: she pulls him towards her with her leg as he thrusts. The partners can kiss and touch each other's genitals while making love in this position.

Split level

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This is one of a number of 'split-level' positions that gives the partners a different view of each other and a different angle of penetration. Here, the woman lies on her back, her legs round her partner's waist, while he kneels. He is in total control, and can also stimulate her clitoris with his fingers. From this position he can let her legs drop and lie on top of her in the missionary position, or he can raise her legs, resting them around his shoulders, then bend forward to kiss her mouth at the same time gaining depth of penetration.

Spoons

sex29.jpg (10980 bytes)

The 'spoons' position is so named because of the close fit of the two bodies. The partners lie on their sides and the man enters from behind. This position is cozy and relaxing, good for slow drowsy lovemaking prior to failing asleep, or on waking during the night. It is also a comfortable position to adopt later in pregnancy when most others put too much pressure on the woman's belly.

Spread-eagle

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In this rear entry position, the woman lies face down with the man on top of her. She spreads her legs and he supports his weight on his arms. If she raises her bottom off the bed slightly, perhaps with the aid of a pillow under her hips, then it will be possible to achieve deeper penetration. The man can also lie with his full weight on his partner, from which position it is easy to roll into 'spoons'.

Standing

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Both parties stand, using the wall as support. This position is often used when the desire to make love strikes unexpectedly. Part of the excitement lies in the fact that it is not easy to move in this position.

Standing carry

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The man stands, holding his partner in his arms. She wraps he legs round his waist and her arms round his shoulders. She can move against him by pulling herself up and down, and he can help her with his arms. This position can be assumed from sitting. It can, of course, be adopted in a very confined space, but it is quite strenuous. From this position you can return to sitting, or the man can gently lower his partner on to a bed or preferably a table, where thrusting can continue without so much exertion.

Swimming

sex18.jpg (10369 bytes)

The man lies on his back, spreading his legs, and his partner lies on top of him, her legs along his, her feet on his. There is a good opportunity for kissing and total body contact. She controls the pace of lovemaking by dragging herself up and down against him. Many women find this position very exciting and are more likely to reach orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation this way than any other.

She can vary the position by closing her legs tight while his remain spread, or by getting him to close his, or both. She can also move easily from this position to sit up facing him.

Urgent

sex30.jpg (7454 bytes)

This position is ideal for when you are unexpectedly overtaken by the urge to make love. It does not require more than a loosening of the clothes if you want. The woman leans over the nearest available piece of furniture and the man enters from behind. It is good for fast exciting sex and gives both partners the opportunity to thrust against one another.

ANAL SEX

The Art of Anal Intercourse dates back to ancient times suggests that the practice of anal sex stimulation of the anorectal area, including penile penetration has been around for many centuries. In fact, some might find it surprising how common a practice it is among heterosexual couples today. In one survey of 100,000 female readers of Redbook magazine, 43 percent of the women said they'd tried it with their partners at least once. Of that number, 40 percent said they found it somewhat or very enjoyable. (That is, about a quarter of the total number of women surveyed said this.) Forty-nine percent said they didn't care for it, and 10 percent said they had no strong feelings one way or the other. While not a controlled scientific study, this survey roughly parallels the findings of many other sexual surveys.

Something else that may come as a surprise to many: While a fair number of heterosexuals engage in the practice, not all homosexuals do. In a review of the existing data on the subject, the Kinsey Institute concluded that between 59 and 95 percent of male homosexuals had engaged in anal sex at least once.

In the age of AIDS, anal sex has received a lot of bad press and for good reason. Unprotected anal intercourse is the single most risky behavior in terms of exposure to the dreaded disease. It bears mentioning, however, that if neither you nor your partner is already infected with HIV (human immunodeficiency virus), you cannot get AIDS from anal sex. This may seem self-evident, but in a nationwide sex survey conducted by the Kinsey Institute, half of the American adults questioned said they thought you could get AIDS through anal intercourse, whether or not one partner was infected. This is simply not true.

What is true is that having anal intercourse with an infected partner, without using a condom, is the kind of sex behavior most likely to transmit AIDS. That's probably because the sensitive lining of the rectum is likely to tear during intercourse, allowing AIDS-infected blood or semen to pass directly into a sex partner's bloodstream. In fact, the evidence for this mode of AIDS transmission is so clear-and AIDS itself is so scary-that doctors now recommend against having anal sex with anybody, under any circumstances.

If you insist on trying it anyway, take two precautions: The vagina is naturally elastic and moistened by its own natural lubricants, but the rectum is not. Therefore, before attempting anal penetration, it's important to use a waterbased lubricant like K-Y Jelly. Also, before entering the vagina after anal intercourse, be sure to thoroughly wash the penis. Otherwise, it's likely to transfer bacteria from the rectum, which may cause vaginal infections.

Sex in pregnancy

Unless your doctor tells you otherwise, it is perfectly safe for you to have sex throughout your pregnancy. However, towards the expected birth date, your size may make many positions uncomfortable for you. Penetration may be easiest if you lie on your side and your partner enters from behind. Oral sex and mutual masturbation should cause no problems. Some women fear that sexual activity or orgasm may trigger off labor but sex cannot induce labor unless the baby is due anyway, when the prostaglandin present in the man's semen may cause it to start.

The sex drive of some women decreases during the first trimester of pregnancy. This may be due to tiredness and nausea, or to a hidden belief that it is 'not right' for a mother to enjoy sex. The problem will usually disappear of its own accord. In some women, the sex drive actually increases during the middle three months (the second trimester) of pregnancy, and some claim that their lovemaking is more satisfying than ever before. This may be because the high level of circulating hormones means that a woman can be stimulated more easily and reach a pitch of sexual excitement more quickly than when not pregnant. A pregnant woman's sexual organs breasts, nipples and genitals - are especially highly developed, which probably increases sexual awareness. Finally, there is of course complete freedom from the worry of getting pregnant, which allows a deeper level of 'letting go'.

Some women and their partners worry that sex may harm the unborn child, but such fears are groundless. The fetus is protected from infection by the plug of mucus at the neck of the womb. In rare cases, infection can occur, but this is usually due to lack of normal hygiene precautions or having sex with several different partners. The baby is also protected against being squashed by the amniotic fluid in which it floats in the womb. Avoid over-athletic sex because it will be uncomfortable for you, but don't worry about hurting the baby. Sex should not cause a miscarriage in a normal, healthy pregnancy.

You can resume sex after childbirth as soon as it is comfortable to do so. Women who have had an episiotomy (in which the perineurn is cut to facilitate birth), will probably feel sore for at least three weeks. When you feel confident that your wound has healed, begin to re-establish your sex life, taking it slowly and gently and using a lubricating jelly if necessary to prevent scar tissue causing discomfort or pain. It is important to establish sexual contact with your partner as soon as you can, as you will both need to get close again. If you still feel sore, remember there are other ways of giving and receiving affection. Don't let your partner feel that you are lavishing all your care and attention on your baby and excluding him from your love.

Positions for pregnancy

sex7.jpg (11209 bytes)

Spoons sex29.jpg (10980 bytes)

The woman lies comfortably on her side and the man enters her from behind, fitting his body closely to hers. This position puts no pressure on the woman's abdomen and is suitable for the most advanced stages of pregnancy. The man can cuddle up close and caress her breasts, while kissing her shoulders and the nape of her neck.

Leapfrog sex8.jpg (4241 bytes)

The woman kneels on the bed with legs spread wide, and falls comfortably forwards as the man enters her from behind. He can then caress her back and control the depth of thrust. This position is ideal when the woman starts to feel uncomfortable with the man's weight pressing down on her and she wants to protect her belly from over-enthusiastic thrusting.

Astride sex28.jpg (7457 bytes)

This is a good position for the middle months of pregnancy, when the missionary position has become uncomfortable, but the woman has quite a bit of energy for sex. She sits astride the man's lap and supports herself with her arms. He can help her as she moves up and down on top of him, taking control when she gets tired.

Glossary of HIV/AIDS Terms

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

This glossary is provided for a better understanding of HIV/AIDS terminology in current usage. Medical and scientific terminology are based on the Surgeon General's Report of AIDS, publications of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the former Global AIDS Programme of the World Health Organization (now part of U.N.AIDS), AIDS Treatment Data Network, and Harvard's Global Policy on AIDS Coalition. The research literature was also consulted through the internet. This glossary is up to date; some terms in this field have changed (e.g. ARC; GRID) and are no longer used. For purposes of discussion in this report, the term AIDS is commonly used to include HIV infection and disease and AIDS-related opportunistic infections and related-diseases. HIV/AIDS is also used.

A

Abstinence-only: A strict morality-based philosophy that preaches "no" to any sexual activity before marriage. Not having sexual intercourse is the safest way to avoid the sexual transmission of HIV/AIDS, although a majority of young adults and teens do not believe abstinence-only is a realistic option. However, the reality of HIV/AIDS is simple: avoid the exchange of bodily fluids and blood especially.

Abstinence-based: A slightly more open curriculum that stresses abstinence as the safest way to avoid HIV but allows for some discussion of sex and the ethics of sexual activity.

Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome (AIDS): A progressive weakening of the immune system accompanied by one or more indicator diseases (opportunistic infections) -- including Kaposi's sarcoma, invasive cervical cancer, pneumocystis carinii pneumonia, and wasting syndrome. In AIDS, common immune system deterioration is marked by a depletion of T-helper (T 4/CD4) cells, which help stimulate antibody production. AIDS is commonly thought to be caused by a retrovirus, HIV.

AIDS: is now a commonly-used term for Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome and also for HIV/AIDS; WHO uses the term to "denote the entire health problem associate with HIV infection."

American Foundation for AIDS Research (AmFAR): was co-founded in 1985 by Dr. Mathilde Krim and by Dr. Michael Gottlieb. It remains an influential advocate for HIV/AIDS research and programs.

Anal sex: Sexual intercourse when the penis is inserted in the anus. Often used as a birth control measure by young adults.

Antibiotic: A substance that kills or inhibits the growth of organisms. Once considered a magic bullet, antibiotics are now commonly used to combat disease and infection. Indications are growing that many human viruses and bacteria are becoming resistant to current antibiotics.

Antibody: Members of a class of proteins known as immunoglobins. Antibodies may tag, destroy and neutralize bacteria, viruses or other harmful toxins. Antibodies attack infected cells, making them vulnerable to attack by other elements of the immune system.

Antigen: A foreign protein that causes an immune response (the production of antibodies to fight antigens). Common examples of antigens are the bacteria and viruses that cause human disease. The antibody is formed in response to a particular antigen unique to that antigen, reacting with no other.

Antiretroviral: A substance that stops or suppresses the activity of a retrovirus such as HIV. AZT was the first widely used antiretroviral drug and now more combinations are reaching the market. Antiretrovirals are not a cure but do help manage AIDS as a chronic disease and perhaps helps strengthen a PWA's health.

Asymptomatic: When there is no visible or noticeable changes in the body; i.e., an HIV-positive person does not show any signs of "AIDS symptoms." Thus, asymptomatic carriers are a threat to their unsuspecting sexual partners.

At risk: Individual behavior that identifies a person who is engaging in behaviors that are likely to transmit HIV, the AIDS virus. "Groups" per se are not at risk -- rather the commonly-practiced behaviors of their individual members make them more susceptible to be infected.

Autoimmune disease: A disease which arises from and is directed against an individual's own tissue (a problem with transplants).

AZT: AZT, Retrovir and Zidovudine are the common names for the chemical 3'-azidothymidine. It was the first drug on the market for AIDS. It was thought that AZT might be the cure for AIDS-related diseases but the hopes were dashed at the 1993 International AIDS Conference in Berlin. AZT is neither as good as its manufacturer claims, nor is it as bad as AIDS activists have alleged. In combination with other drugs (see "cocktail"), it can be helpful in slowing the progress of HIV/AIDS. It definitely helps to cut down on the transmission of perinatal AIDS.

B

B cells (B lymphocytes): One of the immune system's cell types; B cells fight infection primarily by making antibodies. During the time of infection, these cells are transformed into factories that make thousands of antibodies against the foreign antigen.

Behavior intervention/modification programs: Education programs designed to change a specific behavior. Behavior modification generally does this by targeting a very specific, observable behavior and then reinforce a series of small changes in behavior until the desired behavior is established.

Bisexual: Having sex with both men and women. Many teens experiment with members of the same sex out of curiosity.

C

CD4 (T4): The protein imbedded on the surface of T-helper cells to which HIV attaches itself and through which it first enters the cells.

CD8 (T8): A protein embedded in the cell surface of T-suppresser cells.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC): Best known as the CDC, this preeminent federal public health agency is a branch of the Public Health Service that is directly involved with the HIV/AIDS epidemic. It is based in Atlanta, Georgia.

Celibate: Choosing to abstain from any sexual activity. It is often presented as holy scripture for many religious orders, and less often for unmarried people; a prevention techniques for HIV/AIDS.

Chronic: Continuous or ongoing -- As PWAs live longer, HIV/AIDS is becoming a chronic disease.

Clades: "Families of a viral strain." Presently there are seven known clades of HIV but more are expected to be found.

Clinical trial: A test to see how well a new drug works on people (under tight government and clinical supervision.)

Combination therapy: The use of two or more drugs as treatment. Also, the use of two or more types of treatment in combination, alternatively or together.

Commercial sex workers (CSWs): Common medical/epidemiological term for people (usually females, but also males) who engage in prostitution (sex for money) as employment.

Comprehensive sex ed health: Offers full and complete information on the sexual transmission of HIV/AIDS; nothing is deleted.

Condom: A prophylactic barrier a man wears on his penis for sexual intercourse. While not 100 percent effective, its use is recommended by most AIDS prevention professionals as an aid to prevent HIV transmission.

Cytokines: Proteins produced by white blood cells that act as chemical messengers between cells to mediate immune response. CD8 (T-suppresser) cells release a cytokine that appears to block HIV replication in infected cells, at least until the advanced stage of HIV disease.

Cytotoxic: Term used to describe something which damages or kills cells. Also used as the name of a type of T cell.

D

DNA (Deoxyribonucleic acid): A double strand of nucleotides (chemical building blocks) that contain genetic information.

E

Elisa (also ELISA): One of the first blood assay tests developed (by Abbott Labs in 1984) to test for HIV antibodies in the blood.

Epidemic: A contagious disease that spreads rapidly among many individuals in an area such as a province or country (see pandemic).

Experimental drug: A drug that has not been approved for use as a treatment but is being tested.

F

Female condom: A new prophylactic (latex and plastic) barrier that women put inside the vagina before sexual intercourse.

G

Gamma globulin (IgG): The portion of the plasma that contains antibodies.

Gay: Term commonly used to describe men who have sex with men exclusively (see homosexual, also lesbian).

Gp120: A piece of HIV that can cause damage to the immune system and other parts of the body. Gp120 is the foundation for several new vaccines.

H

Helper-suppresser ratio: The ratio of T-helper cells to T-suppresser cells. In people with HIV this ratio becomes increasingly inverted over time as T-helper cells become less.

Helper cells (T4, CD4): See T-helper cells.

Hemophilia: An inherited disease that prevents the normal clotting of blood. Many of the first wave of HIV/AIDS infected people were hemophiliacs who received contaminated blood supplies.

Hepatitis B (HBV): A viral liver disease that can be acute, chronic, and even life-threatening, particularly in people with poor immune resistance.

Heterosexual: Men who have sex with women; women who have sex with men (also referred to as "straight").

High risk behavior: Behaviors that are the most likely to lead to infection: unprotected sex (anal, vaginal, sometimes oral); using contaminated needles/sharing syringes; coming in ultimate contact with bodily fluids (blood, semen, vaginal fluids, and perhaps, although not usually, saliva).

HIV disease: A term used to describe a variety of symptoms and signs found in people who are HIV positive. These may include recurrent fevers, unexplained weight loss, swollen lymph nodes, or fungus infection of the mouth and throat. Also described as symptomatic HIV infection (previously known as ARC). Most commonly used to describe AIDS.

HIV-negative: When test results show there are no HIV antibodies in the blood (i.e., no HIV infection).

HIV-positive: When test results show there are HIV antibodies in the blood (i.e., HIV infected); the stage before AIDS-related diseases. Also referred to as being sero-positive.

Homosexual: Men who have sex with men (gay); women who have sex with women (lesbian).

Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV): The retrovirus thought to cause AIDS. Many different strains of HIV have been isolated. Name and acronym selected by respected group of international scientists in 1986 to describe HTLV-III; LAV; and ARV.

I

Immunity: A natural or acquired resistance to a specific disease. Immunity may be partial or complete, long lasting or temporary.

Incidence: The extent or frequency with which new HIV infections and AIDS cases occur, in a defined population, within a specified period of time.

Incubation period: Term used similar to "latency period;" when an organism is in the body but not symptomatic.

Inhibitor: A drug, chemical or substance that inhibits or blocks something from happening. Protease Inhibitors are a new drug that is expected to help inhibit the progression of HIV.

Injecting Drug Users (IDUs): Current term now favored as substitute for "intravenous" drug users (IV drug); includes individuals who inject into the muscle or just below the skin, as well as injecting into the veins and arteries.

Intercourse: Sexual activity that includes penetration by the penis of the vagina and anus (also "coitus" and "fuck").

Interferon: A substance that is produced when the body detects infection with a virus. Interferon is released to coat uninfected cells to protect them.

Interleukin: A group of cytokines that help immune system cells communicate and modulates immune response.

Intravenous (IV): Intravenous drugs are injected directly into the veins and arteries ("injecting" drug user is now favored in place of "i.v.").

K

Kaposi's sarcoma (KS): Blood vessels which grow rapidly and cause pink to purple painless spots on the skin. KS can also grow in other places such as the lungs. It can be accompanied by fever, enlarged lymph nodes and stomach problems.

Knowledge, Attitude, Belief and Practice Survey (KABP): Standard for questionnaire surveys; used extensively as a prime HIV/AIDS educational research methodology.

L

Latency: The period when an organism in the body is inactive and/or not producing any ill effects. HIV is never really latent, although an infected person may not have symptoms or feel bad.

Latex condom: Most condoms are made out of latex material (safer than natural lambskin prophylactics), although rubber quality varies greatly. Some are very good atinhibiting HIV transmission (nearly 100 percent effective) while others, usually ultra-thin or novelty brands are only 50 to 75 percent effective.

Lesbian: Term commonly used to describe women who have sex with women.

Lymph Glands: Small immune system centers that are located all over the body. Lymph glands protect the bloodstream from infection by filtering out infection particles.

M

Macrophage: A large immune system cell that roams through the blood looking for foreign matter. These cells also alert the rest of the immune system that help is needed.

Maintenance therapy: Use of a treatment after the disease(s) has been brought under control. For example, unless maintenance therapy is used against PCP, the disease will probably occur again.

Men having Sex with Men (MSM): A term used originally by the CDC for describing gay and bisexual men.

Monogamous: Choosing to have one sexual partner for a period of time, as in marriage or a steady relationship (promoted as a sexually safer way of living in the 1990s).

Morality-Based: Term commonly used to describe religious-based tenets. (There is disagreement with the term "morality" as people who favor safer sex techniques believe that their point of view is also morality-based. i.e., saving lives.)

N

Nonoxynol 9: An effective spermicide coating with condoms that can kill many STDs and HIV.

O

Opportunistic Infection (OI): Infections that are caused by agents that are frequently present in the body or environment, and can cause an infection in an immune-compromised person by an organism that does not usually cause disease in healthy people. When an individual's immune system becomes weak, these organisms may cause serious or even life-threatening illnesses.

Oral sex: Refers to sex using the mouth and genitalia (also "fellatio," "blow job," "sucking," also "cunnilingus.")

Outercourse: New "safer sex" term refers to foreplay ("petting") and mutual masturbation between partners, as contrasted with sexual intercourse.

P

Pandemic: Contagious disease prevalent over a wide geographical area (the global AIDS incidence is a pandemic).

Pathogen: A substance or organism capable of causing disease.

Pathogenesis: The origin and development of a disease.

PeerCorps®: Dr. Chittick's favored prevention technique utilizing trained AIDS educators doing outreach with peers.

Perinatal Transmission: Refers to HIV transmission from the mother to the baby during birth (estimated to occur in one-third of cases, unless AZT is used).

Person with AIDS (PWA) or people living with HIV/AIDS (PLWHA): PWA is the term commonly used to anyone living with HIV/AIDS.

Pneumocystis carinii pneumonia (PCP): A lung infection that causes the greatest number of deaths in people who are HIV positive. It is both treatable and preventable.

Polymerase chain reaction (PCR): A very sensitive test for the presence of HIV.

Prevalence: Commonly occurring infection of HIV or cases of AIDS in a population; generally refers to all cases existing with an infection/disease (i.e., HIV/AIDS) at a specified period of time.

Promiscuous: Engaging in sexual intercourse with more than one partner (this dictionary definition, including the use of "indiscriminately," is not pejorative here, but refers to multiple-sex partners over a relatively short period of time).

Prophylactic: A preventive medicine, device or measure; often referring to condoms or a dental dam.

Protease/ Protease Inhibitors: A substance in the blood that breaks down proteins. Drugs that inhibit protease may stop HIV from breaking down the proteins it needs to grow. Protease inhibitor trials involving PWAs are showing promise and the first drugs are being introduced.

p24 antigen: A protein fragment of HIV. The p24 antigen test measures this fragment. A positive result from p24 antigen suggests that HIV is multiplying, although there is debate about this.

R

Reality-Based: Term commonly used to describe explicit and detailed "sex ed" curriculum with safer sex HIV/AIDS components (often used as the opposite of abstinence-only).

Resistance: The ability of a disease to overcome a drug. For example, after long-term use of AZT, HIV can develop strains of virus in the body that are no longer suppressed by this particular drug, and therefore are said to be resistant to AZT.

Retrovirus: A strand of RNA (ribonucleic acid) surrounded by a protein shell. Retroviruses capable of infecting and causing disease in humans are relatively rare (and were only discovered in 1978). HIV is a retrovirus.

Reverse transcriptase: An enzyme that is crucial for HIV to grow and multiply.

RNA (Ribonucleic acid): A strand of nucleotides (chemical building blocks) that transmit genetic information. RNA performs the same functioning in retroviruses that DNA does in viruses.

S

Secondary Virgins: Young people who have had sex once or twice but then choose to be sexually abstinent, often after learning about HIV/AIDS in sex ed classes.

Sero Dia Agglumination Tests: One of the early HIV tests to measure HIV antibodies in the blood.

Seroconversion: After the initial introduction of HIV infection, when HIV antibodies can be detected in the blood.

Seropositive: Refers to blood that shows traces of HIV antibodies (i.e., HIV-infected persons, but without symptoms.

Seroprevalence: The number of a population or group (identified by their behaviors) who are infected with HIV.

Sex Ed (Sexual Education): Education that deals with detailed sexual education for teenagers (also referred to as comprehensive health education).

Sexually transmitted disease (STDs): These diseases include herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV/AIDS, and others. STDs make HIV easier to spread from one person to another. Currently, the term sexually transmitted infections (STIs) is also being used to refer to STDs.

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs): A term now becoming more used among medical professionals.

SIDA: French (and Spanish) acronym for Syndrome Immuno-Déficitaire Acquis.

Spermicide: Used with some condoms (Nonoxynol 9 is a common spermicide) and birth control creams to kill STDs, HIV and sperm.

Surrogate markers: T4 cells are used as a surrogate marker in people who are HIV-positive. The T4 cell count itself is not really a direct measure of HIV, but a declining count is a sign that disease is progressing. The T4 cell count is then said to be a surrogate marker for HIV. Different surrogate markers are being studied to see how well they measure the progress of HIV.

Symptom: A change in the body's appearance or functioning (including mental and psychological changes) that indicates the presence of a disease or illness.

Symptomatic: A change in normal bodily function; i.e., HIV-positive person shows symptomatic signs of AIDS.

Systemic: Affecting the whole body.

T

T4 cells: See T-helper cell.

T-helper cell (T4/CD4 cell): A type of white blood cell that activates T-killer cells and helps stimulate antibody production. Physicians regularly measure T-helper cell counts (CD4 counts) in HIV-positive people to monitor immune system function. The normal range for T-helper cells is 480-1800, but may vary in individuals. HIV first enters cells by attaching itself to the CD4 receptor on the surface of T-helper cells.

T-killer cell (cytoxic T cells): A type of white blood cell that kills foreign organisms when activated by T-helper cells.

T-suppresser cell: A type of white blood cell that helps control the body's response to an infection.

Thymus: The organ of the body that trains T cells to be part of the immune system.

Toxic reaction: A poisonous or unwanted reaction to a vitamin, drug or other substance. A toxic reaction occurs when a helpful medicine also causes damage to the blood or body. Toxicity is a measurement of how much damage may be caused.

Transfusion: The process of giving blood, or parts of blood from one person to another. Some people choose to have their own blood drawn and stored, to be transfused back into them at a later time.

Transmission: The passing of HIV through blood, semen, vaginal secretions or breast milk from an infected individual to another person. These four are the only body fluids known to transmit HIV (although a small amount of HIV might be in saliva, it is not thought to transmit HIV).

Tuberculosis (TB): An infection caused by "Mycobacterium" tuberculosis. It is reported to be rising in urban areas and TB is increasingly common among PWAs.

U

United Nations AIDS (U.N.AIDS): Created in 1995 to coordinate all of the different UN providers of AIDS services, U.N.AIDS began operations in 1996 under its first director, Peter Piot.

Universal Precautions: Refers to safety measures (i.e., sterilization, latex gloves) used by personnel in hospitals and clinics to ensure that infectious agents are not passed by unclean or contaminated equipment or accidents.

V

Vaccine: A suspension of an infectious agent (e.g., virus) or part of that agent. The suspension is administered (usually by injection) in order to confer resistance or immunity to that infectious agent. Other kinds of vaccines, therapeutic vaccines, are in development and being studied. Therapeutic vaccines may help fight HIV even after infection.

Viral Load: The amount of HIV in the blood; branch DNA is a new testing measure that determines the progression of AIDS (compared to the CD-4 count that measures the number of T -helper cells in the blood).

Viremia: The presence of a virus in the blood stream.

Virucides: A physical or chemical agent that destroys or inactivates viruses (researchers are looking for one especially for women to avoid STDs/HIV.)

Virus: A strand of DNA surrounded by a protein shell. Viruses are the smallest known infectious organisms and are unable to live or multiply outside of a host cell. Viruses can cause infectious disease (e.g., small pox, polio, influenza, herpes). Infection with some viruses, such as CMV, may not produce symptoms in people with an intact immune system, but may prove dangerous or life-threatening for people with HIV/AIDS.

W

Wasting syndrome: A condition characterized by involuntary weight loss of more than 10% of baseline body weight plus either chronic diarrhea or chronic weakness and fever for more than 30 days, when these conditions cannot be explained by any illness other than HIV infection.

Wave: A metaphor used by researchers to explain the different stages of HIV infection and cases of AIDS in the population.

Western blot: One of the major confirmatory tests for HIV antibodies in the blood (see Elisa).

White blood cells (WBCs): White cells protect the body against foreign substances such as disease-producing micro-organisms. They are the heart of the immune system.

Window period: Refers to the time between infection with HIV and when its antibodies can be detected in the blood (as short as six weeks but usually longer, up to six months for test purposes).

Z

Zidovudine (ZDV): A drug shown to be effective in reducing the number of babies born with perinatal HIV.